Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 43 and got diagnosed as autistic only 2 months ago. I found the diagnosis both enlightening and validating because it explains so many aspects of my personality, why my brain may process things differently than most people, and why I struggled so much socially growing up.
Apart from the usual "urgh, I'm getting old" feeling, which most people feel when it's their birthday, I usually feel fine about my birthday; almost a little excited. This last week, however, I keep having angry, intrusive thoughts about work and friends, and feeling even more irritated about minor things than usual e.g. friends reading WhatsApp messages and not replying.
I also feel quite sad and lonely, but I don't know why it's come on so quickly as I felt happy just a few days ago. It's almost like I'm expecting my birthday to be a real disappointment and I'm feeling sad and angry in advance of that happening. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, how do you pick yourself back up? Thanks :)
I hated birthdays as they were always disappointing, I'd ask for books when I was a child, and I would get dolls. When I was at uni I had an exam on my birthday - on a Saturday! so now I take the day off work and do things I enjoy. I have a long lie, I open my "to me from me" present (usually a book I want to spend the day reading), boil the kettle, make a pot of Assam tea, open my cake (usually a Bakewell or Battenberg slice) and read. Usually I get a takeaway for my tea. If friends want to do stuff I try and do that another day. My birthday is about me. I like birthdays now.
Thanks for your message, Fiona. I love that you now like birthdays :) And your birthday plans sound lovely. Like you, I always buy a "to me from me" present, so I'm looking forward to treating myself tomorrow.