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It's my birthday in two days and I'm usually fine about it, but this time, I keep feeling angry and sad for no reason.

Smitch
1 month ago

I'm 43 and got diagnosed as autistic only 2 months ago. I found the diagnosis both enlightening and validating because it explains so many aspects of my personality, why my brain may process things differently than most people, and why I struggled so much socially growing up.

Apart from the usual "urgh, I'm getting old" feeling, which most people feel when it's their birthday, I usually feel fine about my birthday; almost a little excited. This last week, however, I keep having angry, intrusive thoughts about work and friends, and feeling even more irritated about minor things than usual e.g. friends reading WhatsApp messages and not replying.

I also feel quite sad and lonely, but I don't know why it's come on so quickly as I felt happy just a few days ago. It's almost like I'm expecting my birthday to be a real disappointment and I'm feeling sad and angry in advance of that happening. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, how do you pick yourself back up? Thanks :) 

Parents
  • 1 month ago

    I cannot remember when I last looked forward to, or felt excited about a forthcoming birthday. I tend to work on the principle that it is likely to be a disappointment, so better to not have any expectations and just look upon as I would any other day. If it ends up going well, then it's a lovely, unexpected bonus.

    When I was younger, I had expectations of what I wanted and hoped my birthday would be like. As I got older, I found it was rare that the reality ever lived up to my expectations, and I would be left feeling disillusioned and despondent. Something had to change, and I concluded the change had to come from within.

    I'll be 50 later this year, and with it being a milestone birthday I think it would be all too easy for me to reflect upon my life, and to dwell on the fact that it hasn't turned out quite the way I had imagined it would. To do that would achieve nothing, other than to cause me to probably feel rather miserable, which is something I am rather keen to avoid.

    I will end here by wishing you all the best, in advance of your birthday... and congratulating you on your recent-ish diagnosis.

  • 1 month ago in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    You'll be ok.
    A time for reflection and visions.
    Don't look back, focus forwards and beyond.
    Aim that compass North and keep going forward.....

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