Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi it’s been the worst & most horrible frustrating boring week which I have no words to describe how bad it has been !!!
The only thing I can remember is me laying on the couch scrolling TikTok & sleeping & so on…
This is because I have no other option & I still want to be productive & be that girl but I’m not willing to put myself out there… ( mom thinks I don’t do work because of social media when I try to say I’m on the phone because I don’t have any other choice but it’s honestly because the only thing I could do is just SCROLL because I don’t see any point of doing anything anymore!!!)
And I don’t even know whether this is what’s called an autistic burnout or BAD KARMA & it’s been more than a week now!!!
They informed me that I have work at Morrisons tomorrow 8am to 4pm & I have no idea what to do about it! I always struggle with consistency because of my unpredictable mood shifts. I usually start part time jobs with 120% effort & end up 0%
The more mom wants me to go tomorrow the more I don’t want to go & its not just because I hate being told what to do ( I think it’s because they don’t seem to understand what’s going on with me & me thinking that they’re not willing to give me the best advice)
And sometimes I wonder how other people feel during the day when I feel nothing! Like whether they feel a sense of control in their own life while i don’t! Like how come they enjoy life & do not ghost other people & maintain friendships ( which is always a misery to me)
Most of the time when I’m like this ( whatever it’s called) I often find myself judging & comparing myself to people on social media ( hating my face structure, my body, appearance & lack of self care because I don’t see any point of doing it because whatever I do i feel so ugly & useless!)
I wish I don’t even EXIST when feeling like this & not knowing when will I be able to feel NORMAL again…
Ngl but more than half of my life Is spent like this not knowing who I am & why I’m here…
thank you very much for listening!!!
XXX
Hi, I'm just responding as it is very easy to get lost in all the posts here. Also, maybe change your username (it won't delete the post). I'm sure someone will respond in your own age group. I hope that next week is better.