Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi it’s been the worst & most horrible frustrating boring week which I have no words to describe how bad it has been !!!
The only thing I can remember is me laying on the couch scrolling TikTok & sleeping & so on…
This is because I have no other option & I still want to be productive & be that girl but I’m not willing to put myself out there… ( mom thinks I don’t do work because of social media when I try to say I’m on the phone because I don’t have any other choice but it’s honestly because the only thing I could do is just SCROLL because I don’t see any point of doing anything anymore!!!)
And I don’t even know whether this is what’s called an autistic burnout or BAD KARMA & it’s been more than a week now!!!
They informed me that I have work at Morrisons tomorrow 8am to 4pm & I have no idea what to do about it! I always struggle with consistency because of my unpredictable mood shifts. I usually start part time jobs with 120% effort & end up 0%
The more mom wants me to go tomorrow the more I don’t want to go & its not just because I hate being told what to do ( I think it’s because they don’t seem to understand what’s going on with me & me thinking that they’re not willing to give me the best advice)
And sometimes I wonder how other people feel during the day when I feel nothing! Like whether they feel a sense of control in their own life while i don’t! Like how come they enjoy life & do not ghost other people & maintain friendships ( which is always a misery to me)
Most of the time when I’m like this ( whatever it’s called) I often find myself judging & comparing myself to people on social media ( hating my face structure, my body, appearance & lack of self care because I don’t see any point of doing it because whatever I do i feel so ugly & useless!)
I wish I don’t even EXIST when feeling like this & not knowing when will I be able to feel NORMAL again…
Ngl but more than half of my life Is spent like this not knowing who I am & why I’m here…
thank you very much for listening!!!
XXX
NAS95003 said:I don’t have any other choice but it’s honestly because the only thing I could do is just SCROLL because I don’t see any point of doing anything anymore!!!
If you are looking for advice (you don't actually ask so I can't presume) then I would give you one piece - delete your social media apps.
Get rid of that toxic stuff as it is engineered to hook you into it and addiction is designed into the algorythms to make you keep using it.
Once you stop seeing how everybody else if faking it, misrepresenting their own happiness and just creating content for attention then you can create a lot of time for much more usefull and rewarding stuff in your life.
I found that X was the worst of these and I would spend a couple of hours a day on it if I wasn't careful, and the content was making me angry. Why was I wasting my time just in order to create a negative feeling anyway?
Since ditching it my mood has improved markedly over the last month or two. Instagram is still used (I have some business links and family stuff there so it is still relevant) but I limit it to 30 mins a day.
Since then I have found time to pick up learning another language again, started writing the childrens stories I always meant to do, read much more and take time for doing more pleasurable things in life.
The fakery and toxicity of social media is likely a massive contributer to your state of mind so cut it out would be my recommendation.
Hi, I'm just responding as it is very easy to get lost in all the posts here. Also, maybe change your username (it won't delete the post). I'm sure someone will respond in your own age group. I hope that next week is better.