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Relationship breakdown

Csaw
2 months ago

Hi there

I am ASD/ADHD and 34 years old.

I am currently living with my ex in a house we bought, but becoming ex's and letting go and explaining why is something I'm struggling with.

So me and my ex got together in the middle of August. To cut a long story short, I recently found out for the first 6 weeks of our relationship she was in a relationship, albeit online, with another guy she had been with for some time. Many of their messages were discussing how they would be together one day and that they love each other etc.

I told her I couldn't see past this and it betrayed our initial connection and devalued when we told each other we loved each other as she was still saying it to someone else. 

The only problem is I only found out and saw the messages after we had bought a home. So I have kept it amicable and friendly, which I think she perceives as wanting to work on things. When we discuss it she gets upset and angry and can't understand why I'm still holding on to those feelings and focussing on her "little mistake" from the start of the relationship as we were happy before I found out.

I guess... Am I the a-hole for being like this? Am I justified for my response? Or is this my neuro divergence not being able to deal with it?

Any advice on that, or how I move forward, would be great.

Thanks in advance,

Chris

Parents
  • 2 months ago

    Hi there. I get this point that you’re making here. I totally understand what you’re going through. It’s tough. I don’t know what to say buddy. It totally sounds like she is just using you to be honest. Tell me this if you don’t mind. Did you and her have relationship problems before in the past? Because she may still hold feelings of resentment towards you from the past and this may be why she wants this other man and not you. The best thing to do would be to apologise to her about the past and try and make things better now. Make her dinner make her stuff. Etc. Try and show her that you are better than the other man. But whatever you do don’t give her grief or antagonise her over speaking to this other man. As this will show that you are jealous and make her want the other man more than you. Hope this helps.

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  • 2 months ago

    Hi there. I get this point that you’re making here. I totally understand what you’re going through. It’s tough. I don’t know what to say buddy. It totally sounds like she is just using you to be honest. Tell me this if you don’t mind. Did you and her have relationship problems before in the past? Because she may still hold feelings of resentment towards you from the past and this may be why she wants this other man and not you. The best thing to do would be to apologise to her about the past and try and make things better now. Make her dinner make her stuff. Etc. Try and show her that you are better than the other man. But whatever you do don’t give her grief or antagonise her over speaking to this other man. As this will show that you are jealous and make her want the other man more than you. Hope this helps.

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