Published on 12, July, 2020
Recently I had a conversation with my sister, our topic wandered somehow on the mental health conditions. She said something that shocked me so I decided I have to correct her. She said, that autistic people don’t have any need to connect to anyone. I told her, it’s not true. There is another disorder that apparently makes people not desire to form relationships, it’s called schozoid personality disorder, but autistic people do need to connect, but often have no capacity and struggle socially. Autists also may and often feel lonely. She was shocked, she asked me where I know this from. Then I told her, that according to my last therapist I myself am autistic. She was shocked, she said no way! “You can’t be autistic because autistic people don’t have friends or maximum one friend!” Then I started laughing and I asked her if she knows how many friends do I have. There was silence and she finally answered - one! Of course you can be autistic and have some more friends, especially if they themselves are autistic. And not everyone who has only one friend or no friends is automatically autistic for only this reason. She also mentioned that 10 years ago I was at a party, it was organised by the company I worked. And I enjoyed it because it was outdoors and there were activities such as bowling and table tennis, not only beer and sitting and chatting. According to my sister if I was autistic, I wouldn’t be able to go there. So my whole life I heard “you weirdo, go to some party, meet some people, make some friends, stop sitting alone” but when I actually went to some party, I hear that I can’t be autistic because I went there. It’s also fascinating phenomenon, that when I got diagnosed (misdiagnosed) with Tourette, everyone happily agreed that I have Tourette and I was forced awful meds, and I couldn’t get rid of being told I have Tourette even when it was proven to be wrong. Same with depression. But autism?! No no! You can’t be autistic! I’m interested if anyone else heard similar answer from their family. You can’t be autistic because you are too intelligent for example etc. Initially it was my message to other user of this forum, but I decided to make it a post.
Is so common unfortunately, and it’s mainly due to lack of education. I had a therapist say they don't “see me” as autistic because I had a job, and then went into say that I must be on the lower end of the spectrum where everyone else “probably” is. I wanted to educate her and say the first person ever diagnosed autistic, actually worked as a banker. But I didn’t want to embarrass her lol.
I think it’s really good and brave that you had that conversation with your sister, and that you rightly challenged her. For me, none of my family know I’ve been diagnosed because I think they would dismiss me and make me feel bad about myself. Some of that might be down to bad thinking on my part, but also my family aren’t supportive in the slightest… so I doubt I’m going to tell them as it makes me too anxious for their response.
In my case I told my husband because he asked what the therapist said and he constantly repeated that I have weird behaviors (stimming) and why I’m so weird especially when our daughter came to this world (sensory sensitivities and overwhelm). So here is the explanation. It also took him some time to somehow accept or understand it, but looks like now it’s better. I also told my manager at work because of some situations with bullying but the bully had no idea I’m an aspie. Since he knows he stopped bullying me and he turned out to be a really good colleague. And he is not questioning or saying “you don’t look autistic”. He himself has some mental health issues and ND, so he understands me much better than NTs. But I know that there I do t have to hide, mask, worry, pretend or be ashamed of who I am.
I’m sorry to hear you had to experience the initial issues with the bullying but I’m really happy to hear it was sorted out and actually a friendship has been formed. Its refreshing to hear
I was raised to believe that we are all sinners in need of God’s Mercy, Love, Forgiveness and Compassion, created in God’s Image and that development of a personal relationship with God is the answer to many of our problems - our grandparents (and no one else) would always challenge us in a spirit of Christian Charity and Love, on our every action and attitude that we had as children, asking us the the question “what will this lead to”? and “where will this lead to”?