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You can’t be autistic, because…

Alienatedhuman
2 months ago

Recently I had a conversation with my sister, our topic wandered somehow on the mental health conditions. She said something that shocked me so I decided I have to correct her. She said, that autistic people don’t have any need to connect to anyone. I told her, it’s not true. There is another disorder that apparently makes people not desire to form relationships, it’s called schozoid personality disorder, but autistic people do need to connect, but often have no capacity and struggle socially. Autists also may and often feel lonely. She was shocked, she asked me where I know this from. Then I told her, that according to my last therapist I myself am autistic. She was shocked, she said no way! “You can’t be autistic because autistic people don’t have friends or maximum one friend!” Then I started laughing and I asked her if she knows how many friends do I have. There was silence and she finally answered - one! Of course you can be autistic and have some more friends, especially if they themselves are autistic. And not everyone who has only one friend or no friends is automatically autistic for only this reason. She also mentioned that 10 years ago I was at a party, it was organised by the company I worked. And I enjoyed it because it was outdoors and there were activities such as bowling and table tennis, not only beer and sitting and chatting. According to my sister if I was autistic, I wouldn’t be able to go there. So my whole life I heard “you weirdo, go to some party, meet some people, make some friends, stop sitting alone” but when I actually went to some party, I hear that I can’t be autistic because I went there. It’s also fascinating phenomenon, that when I got diagnosed (misdiagnosed) with Tourette, everyone happily agreed that I have Tourette and I was forced awful meds, and I couldn’t get rid of being told I have Tourette even when it was proven to be wrong. Same with depression. But autism?! No no! You can’t be autistic! 
I’m interested if anyone else heard similar answer from their family. You can’t be autistic because you are too intelligent for example etc. Initially it was my message to other user of this forum, but I decided to make it a post. 

Parents
  • 2 months ago

    I did reply with a really good post but it got flagged for putting your name in it.... My points in a list:

    1. Yes I think there are many of us who have developed such great acting skills or ways of masking that we'd be hard pressed to even recognise Neurodivergent tendencies in ourselves.
    2. My psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Sensory Processing Disorder felt I wouldn't make the criteria for an Autism diagnosis because I was too good at reciprocal conversation.  Having had a fascination with communication for sometime, this could be the reason why and I think it's too much pressure to expect a medical professional to make diagnoses with such little time spent with the patient.  He asked me if I agreed that it was more Sensory Issues I had and so I agree because my Mum had different memories of my childhood than me so i felt outnumbered.  I think I am definitely a neurodivergent who fits with various elements of Autism/ADD to name a few.
    3. I've come to the conclusion that I'm best sticking with my current diagnosis because of the lack of support services in my area for adults and the fact that I am building my own strategies which are working for the most part now after many years.  I just need to make an effort to acquire a friend/partner who I see on a regular basis.  The loneliness that you mention does deeply affect me at times too and I feel a regular person in my life who isn't my family would help this. :-)

    I hope you find a result to all your challenges. Take care.

Reply
  • 2 months ago

    I did reply with a really good post but it got flagged for putting your name in it.... My points in a list:

    1. Yes I think there are many of us who have developed such great acting skills or ways of masking that we'd be hard pressed to even recognise Neurodivergent tendencies in ourselves.
    2. My psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Sensory Processing Disorder felt I wouldn't make the criteria for an Autism diagnosis because I was too good at reciprocal conversation.  Having had a fascination with communication for sometime, this could be the reason why and I think it's too much pressure to expect a medical professional to make diagnoses with such little time spent with the patient.  He asked me if I agreed that it was more Sensory Issues I had and so I agree because my Mum had different memories of my childhood than me so i felt outnumbered.  I think I am definitely a neurodivergent who fits with various elements of Autism/ADD to name a few.
    3. I've come to the conclusion that I'm best sticking with my current diagnosis because of the lack of support services in my area for adults and the fact that I am building my own strategies which are working for the most part now after many years.  I just need to make an effort to acquire a friend/partner who I see on a regular basis.  The loneliness that you mention does deeply affect me at times too and I feel a regular person in my life who isn't my family would help this. :-)

    I hope you find a result to all your challenges. Take care.

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