Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
before I begin, I'm very new here and I've already done an over-shary post about my conundrum - I just wanted to double check it is okay for me to participate in the community while going through the journey of figuring out neurodivergence (I'm at the "need to decide whether to do an assessment" stage). Let me know if this is okay.
This is something has been floating in my head tonight and thought to see if there are any late diagnosed adults who could share their takes.
I just recently read someone's youtube comment on the fact that they were taught as children to look at people's lips instead of making eye contact, and it got me thinking...
One of the first thing I thought regarding my own eye contact while going through traits is "of course I don't have difficulties with it", and other people told me so as well when opening up about it.
But then I soon after remembered that I've been focusing on reading lips since I'm a teen, and that I remember consciously deciding to do so to either "help myself hear better" (partially because I've always had a bit of a problem with listening) and because "it would be cool to be able to read lips"... I also have an interesting tendency to stare at strangers (or random things), that sometimes gets me into trouble (and defo got me into trouble as a kid with parents).
After realising that, I've started somehow noticing how, when I look at people's eye during a conversation, it feels like there's some sort of horror movie style dramatic zoom situation happening in my head, or that, if I don't, I barely remember even looking at the person (if not for the lip trick).
So I guess, in a way, I kinda automatically taught myself how to deal with eye contact?
Has anyone ever experienced anything similar through their journey, or any other interesting story regarding eye contact? I'd be very curious to know!
Thanks again
MaxL,
It's really difficult to know how things progress with eye contact. I remember growing up being told to "look at me when I'm talking to you" when my Mum was giving me a row and I didn't want to look at her because I was scared when she was angry. She doesn't remember this.... I also remember growing my hair really long in school so I could hide behind it if I got shy or embarrassed. The only time I felt uncomfortable with eye contact was when I was talking with someone at school/college/uni and I got an "attraction" feeling. Like when your heart leaps and you hope that the other person doesn't pick up on it then you blush because you think they "know". I still get those feelings if I am looking at someone and thinking they are stunning. It's a huge feeling I get so really hard to not believe others can sense it. It sometimes feels like I'm connected to certain people like I've known them all my life when in reality we've been chatting for a short amount of time.
I do think though that shy folks are bullied into making eye contact as it's seen as "rude" not to.... I can see both sides of this argument though as I feel someone isn't listening if they don't look at me when I'm talking but I know some people find it easier to listen when they aren't looking at someone. I find it easier when I am talking to not directly look at someone all the time to process my thoughts but can really listen when directly looking at someone. I'm not sure if this has always been the case but there you go. :-)