Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there, I'm not sure how to start this post.
I feel that I have become pessimistic when it comes to people. For context, I am an autistic woman in her early 20's; I have unfortunately had poor experiences in my life where I've been ostracised/bullied in secondary school and also verbally abused/gaslit by extended family. I've also had bad experiences with friendships where people always used me and took advantage of my kind-hearted nature. Because of these experiences, I have come to hate most people as I feel that the majority have ulterior motives and only want to befriend you or be in a relationship so they can take advantage of you.
One thing that kind of helps is I do have quality friends in my life (some of which are autistic) who accept me as I am, the same applies to my parents/aunt. I recently met an Italian guy online via Instagram; for context he follows my YouTube channel and Instagram account where I post art and gaming related stuff - he is also into gaming like myself and has the same socials/Twitch acc. When I talk to him, I feel a nice warmth inside because he understands me and he does show signs of autism/possible ADHD.
I feel that it is very hard to trust people nowadays and I often guard myself and don't talk about certain things like my mental health, I am used to faking that everything is OK so nobody judges me.
I find it hard to trust but that's only natural. Trust is a two way street and it's got to be earned both ways. There are some judging people out there but it's unfair to tar everyone with the same brush as the majority are all right.
I've been hurt by people in the past, used and had my trust broken but I still like people and doing some volunteering each week I've met some wonderful people.
There's nice people out there. They're the ones worth waiting to meet.
From my favourite TV show but the quote is worth remembering.