Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there, I'm not sure how to start this post.
I feel that I have become pessimistic when it comes to people. For context, I am an autistic woman in her early 20's; I have unfortunately had poor experiences in my life where I've been ostracised/bullied in secondary school and also verbally abused/gaslit by extended family. I've also had bad experiences with friendships where people always used me and took advantage of my kind-hearted nature. Because of these experiences, I have come to hate most people as I feel that the majority have ulterior motives and only want to befriend you or be in a relationship so they can take advantage of you.
One thing that kind of helps is I do have quality friends in my life (some of which are autistic) who accept me as I am, the same applies to my parents/aunt. I recently met an Italian guy online via Instagram; for context he follows my YouTube channel and Instagram account where I post art and gaming related stuff - he is also into gaming like myself and has the same socials/Twitch acc. When I talk to him, I feel a nice warmth inside because he understands me and he does show signs of autism/possible ADHD.
I feel that it is very hard to trust people nowadays and I often guard myself and don't talk about certain things like my mental health, I am used to faking that everything is OK so nobody judges me.
lina-chan,
I dislike certain types of people. Mostly two faced people who lie and manipulate as you mentioned. I also think it's awful that some people find it acceptable to bully others but then maybe they're being bullied themselves in another situation so have learnt to communicate that way. Who knows but it's awful to witness. I feel mistrustful of some people as I get a gut feeling about them and can't push it away. I hope that you find trust and companionship with some as it's horrible feeling that way....
Yes, I agree here. I feel some people get a kick out of bullying those who appear "weak"(?) so to say. I am at a point where I only keep certain people close to me as I have trust issues.
As per mentioned in the OP, I have met an Italian guy who is similar to myself in terms of experiences (albeit 4 years older than I am as he is 29 whilst I am 25). I do feel a nice sense of warmth and it is a bit foreign to me as I don't get these kinds of feelings around people often.
I'm cheesy romantic so absolutely love when people feel warmth with each other. That's lovely!!! :-) Best of luck with him. :-)
I think you're doing things the right way. I would have been prone to getting overexcited in the same position.
Thank you! It is too soon to say if a relationship could happen. I don't want to rush things and a slight part of me is afraid but things seem to be going well.