Published on 12, July, 2020
I by chance unexpectedly about two and a half months ago met this absolutely beautiful man - he is a man not without his quirks but if anything I find those endearing and quite cute to be honest. We instantly had a vibe and appeared to like each other, constant eye contact, smiles and finding excuses to be in one another's presence and,or text msg's - he even unnecessarily called me one day, which I totally loved that hearing his voice during my work day, I was on a natural heigh the rest of the day (good lord listen to me I sound like a bloody teenager lol).
Please Note: I apologies upfront for all of the writing that is coming (thus I will try to do some dot point too) summarisation has never been my strong suit sadly lol...
There are a lots of bits and pieces and even though it;s only been like 10-11 weeks a lot has happened but for now I'll keep it brief - I believe that this gorgeous man may have Aspergers, Autism and be on the spectrum but is extremely high functioning or, or he may just be so extremely intelligent that the things I have noticed are just quirks I am not sure. Also if he is on the spectrum I am unsure if diagnosed but doesn't accept or didn't want to tell me or that he hasn't been diagnosed.
I am neurotypical however I am beyond understanding, caring, compassionate and honestly if he is on the spectrum and he would of been upfront with me it would of saved some missed opportunities of beautiful conversations and experiences AND would of prevented me from getting very unforcedly out of the blue unexpected hurt by him. I have a 19+ year caring, nursing and NDIS/NDA background and I am just a passionate caring person in general so am extremely equipped to deal with this if told the truth and given the opportunity and my own choice to do so.
I am sending out this post for help (those on the spectrum and those who are in relationships with or been in long term relationship etc);
To a) see if my thoughts that he is on the spectrum are possibly correct
b) if so what other traits that I have missed besides what already notice should I look out for
c) things were beautiful for weeks and things happened that were so wonderful but now he did things and said complete opposite and we have now lost communication but I wish to open up the communication back but without being to over whelming if my thoughts are right that he is on the spectrum and I need help.
How you have responded to Debbie, where I am concerned, is appalling. Whether you believe it is relevant or not, it is of little interest to me as I am sure that my opinion that your post is selfish and egotistical is to you or that it reinforces my point. You ask that people keep their opinions to themselves, yet you haphazardly make assumptions, perform diagnosis and cast dispersions on others, yet you are really 'caring.'
Was my comment appropriate? Probably not, but that doesn't make it less valid. But the last time I checked, this was a forum for Autistic people to discuss, amongst other things, issues concerning the neurodiverse community. It was coupled with the fact that many of the terms you have used are utterly offensive. Please expand on 'extremely high functioning.' Since there isn't a definitive definition in the DSM V, please elucidate to us all how you have come to your conclusion. I have recently looked on the Autism Research Center website, and they don't have a definitive definition either.
Yes. I am Bored and Irritated - by people like you who believe everybody needs saving yet do not dare to look internally and critique yourself as you do others.
I never stop critiquing myself - I blamed myself for this for weeks despite having made sure I had not placed a foot wrong as best I could, i'm constantly second guessing myself and questioning myself internally - i've been putting my mental health and my body (no sleep etc) through hell for weeks of what I could of done differently and now that I have come looking for help for me - so I can be the type of friend or partner he deserves (when I said 'us' i meant we live in the same house for us - meaning so we can get along not just co exist, i didn't mean anything about saving anyone - he is far from needing saving) and all i've gotten is shut down and ridicule for having worded things wrong. very high functioning was meant as a compliment as i find him brilliant, no offence intended what so ever.
Let's start again,
I'm slightly disoriented as one of my messages was pulled, so that I may have lost the conversation thread. Bear with me.
My frustration on a much larger issue was allowed to spill over into your thread, so I apologise.
As the name suggests, I can be a grumpy old man, though it's not its primary purpose. However, much of what I have said is relevant to your situation. Although delivering it in the context, it wasn't helpful or polite.
Please don't be offended by this, but why must you change to be what he deserves? Your actions dictate that you think about others, and you have sought advice from unfamiliar territory, gathered resources, dedicated time to learning, and battled a grumpy ogre ;-).
I was trying to make the point that you could dedicate yourself to 10,000 mastery of all things neurodiverse, and you will not move forward as the solution is whatever works in that particular dynamic. Equally, I spend three-quarters of the day observing neurotypicals; that may be an over-exaggeration, but still, a day doesn't go by when I am not entirely baffled.
First, I would suggest you do is invest quality time in being kind to yourself. If this person is as self-sufficient as you suggest, he can amuse himself and want what is best for you.