Published on 12, July, 2020
I by chance unexpectedly about two and a half months ago met this absolutely beautiful man - he is a man not without his quirks but if anything I find those endearing and quite cute to be honest. We instantly had a vibe and appeared to like each other, constant eye contact, smiles and finding excuses to be in one another's presence and,or text msg's - he even unnecessarily called me one day, which I totally loved that hearing his voice during my work day, I was on a natural heigh the rest of the day (good lord listen to me I sound like a bloody teenager lol).
Please Note: I apologies upfront for all of the writing that is coming (thus I will try to do some dot point too) summarisation has never been my strong suit sadly lol...
There are a lots of bits and pieces and even though it;s only been like 10-11 weeks a lot has happened but for now I'll keep it brief - I believe that this gorgeous man may have Aspergers, Autism and be on the spectrum but is extremely high functioning or, or he may just be so extremely intelligent that the things I have noticed are just quirks I am not sure. Also if he is on the spectrum I am unsure if diagnosed but doesn't accept or didn't want to tell me or that he hasn't been diagnosed.
I am neurotypical however I am beyond understanding, caring, compassionate and honestly if he is on the spectrum and he would of been upfront with me it would of saved some missed opportunities of beautiful conversations and experiences AND would of prevented me from getting very unforcedly out of the blue unexpected hurt by him. I have a 19+ year caring, nursing and NDIS/NDA background and I am just a passionate caring person in general so am extremely equipped to deal with this if told the truth and given the opportunity and my own choice to do so.
I am sending out this post for help (those on the spectrum and those who are in relationships with or been in long term relationship etc);
To a) see if my thoughts that he is on the spectrum are possibly correct
b) if so what other traits that I have missed besides what already notice should I look out for
c) things were beautiful for weeks and things happened that were so wonderful but now he did things and said complete opposite and we have now lost communication but I wish to open up the communication back but without being to over whelming if my thoughts are right that he is on the spectrum and I need help.
Please don't medicalise him. If he is diagnosed, he might be fed up with people analysing him. If he isn't diagnosed, healthcare professionals should not be diagnosing those they have or want a relationship with.
I'm 52, have been autistic all my life apparently, but was only diagnosed a few months ago.
Really, what does it matter? If he is autistic, he is being honest with you (we don't really know how to be neurotypically not quite honest). If he isn't autistic, I don't know if there are underlying motives.
Healthcare love slapping labels on everything, but if the person doesn't feel it is helpful for them, why would they seek it? The only reason I sought diagnosis is to protect myself from discrimination in the workplace as I have been bullied in pretty much every job I've had.
The people I have had relationships with just had me to work with, not the label/diagnosis. I know I tend to rush too much, get too intense and trusting too quickly, then get burnt by the other person's different opinion of what 'honesty' is. When that trust is broken, I break off all contact. So there may be a reason, which he may or may not want to tell you.
If you had HIV, would you be telling him at this point in the relationship that you have HIV? In other words, is that an appropriate level of sharing for such a new relationship?
Just wondering, if you care, why are you probing so much? Try acceptance instead, let it be, and see what happens. He is the way he is because he is the way he is.
I would venture that if it was HIV, yes! ;-)