Husband Recently Diagnosed

My husband has recently been diagnosed with ASD.

I'm looking for some help & guidance on how to look for triggers, how to respond to his behaviour.

I feel asthough I am always on egg shells as I'm unsure of the right thing to say or do, or how to say or do it.

My husband has masked pretty much for all of our relationship (12 years). It's become more apparent since having children and covid. This is what urged us to get a diagnosis.

From this my husband has become more open about his autism and un-masking. Which is great he feels he's in a safe space to do so, however I feel that I have not been giving any tools/advice/info on how to deal or help with certain situations.

For example he may say something offensive that would upset my daughter, who is 7. I try to explain that what he has said has upset her and for him to apologise to her for upsetting her. He gets defensive and will say it's not his fault she's upset.

If he is overwhelmed after work or in certain situations. I will ask that he takes himself away from the situation to try and sort himself out but again he won't do this and gets more worked up. 

I feel abit stuck on the best way to help or what to do. 

It's new for us both me especially and I'm trying to learn.

I'd really appreciate some help please.