Published on 12, July, 2020
In my youth I did not care about friends and being alone seemed normal to me until I started to be bullied and ostracised in school.
From my late 20s up to now I used to beat myself up over not making the effort to reach out to people and make friends and not having a close relationship outside my family.
Now, I realise those unfulfilled desires were making me unhappy, so I said *** it and mostly embraced being alone. There are worse things to be than single and I'm better off without those pressures.
I like my afternoon naps, playing on my Switch and building models and not worrying about pleasing anyone but myself.
If I could I would take my romantic, sexual and social yearnings, drop them in a bin and light it on fire.
I still have my family and they have me, for better or worse.
An interesting phenom for me is that if I don't interact with people and, instead, focus a great deal on solitary special interest for more than 3 days - even writing and the like - I readily lose my language skills and then when I again interact with others verbally I am very clumsy.
Speech, for me needs to reinforced or I can lose it. I also feel that being selective and choosing supportive people to be around helps with these transitions. transitions can be hard.
Writing is different and a lot easier and I have a lot of people I exchange letters, emails and text with. But I do need also to be around people in person sometimes to develop social and emotional skills, meet my needs, and not become isolated.
There are a lot more unmasked people on the spectrum out and about these days too and they are easy to have exchanges with. This is one of the big reasons I go to the gym X3 a week.