Published on 12, July, 2020
I have gone through talking therapy in the past and reflected on whether it was beneficial at all. In the short term it was good to have someone listen to me and feel better about myself for a while but then I had to quit when I felt it wasn't going anywhere. I also can't tell if they're being sincere or just pretending to be sympathetic because they're paid to.
I recently started again but now I'm not sure if I can continue. I'm also not comfortable disclosing my most personal issues anymore or having to tell my story again and again each time. I feel like a broken record.
I also feel I can't be myself in those sessions and I now avoid discussing my autism, past self-harm thoughts or sexual repression out of fear of being misunderstood or not taken seriously despite assurances of understanding or non-judgment.
I looked for a counsellor online for an hour to read some profiles to understand the kind of information the counsellors publicise about themselves. I then made a shortlist of criteria that I had to find (someone creative rather than CBT based, for example). I searched on 3 websites, throughout the UK for someone to meet online. I emailed five, asking them a couple of questions, telling them a little about what I was looking for, 3 emailed back and I picked the one with the best reply. She was great, we got on well, and since she retired I'll have to start again looking later in the year.
You are paying for the person to listen to you and help you work through it. If they think in quite a different way from you, this can be bonus or hindrance. Sometimes it's good to get a diverse perspective on our thoughts. Other times we need someone to understand. Don't settle for what you've got, there are better out there, better matches for you. They won't care as they are not your family or friend, but have a professional responsibility like a doctor or nurse. Most will offer to have a short chat with you before you make the first session, just to see if you get on OK. This is invaluable. It's important to be honest and open during the sessions - otherwise you don't get the maximum benefit of what you are paying for. And you want to be open about your aims in the initial chat, too, but not go into too much detail.