Published on 12, July, 2020
I, a 30 something male, have occasional longings for romantic connections. It's so stupid, I have never had friends let alone a girlfriend, and I know it's a lifelong endeavour of self development and discovery.
It is usually triggered by seeing couples walk along the street holding hands or hugging and being bombarded by media no matter how much I avoid it. It has also been a catalyst for my depression which I have since controlled with medication.
It's wrong of me to think about such things when I lack even the most basic friendship and socialising skills which come naturally to most people. I feel like I don't deserve to think about romantic love and I'm putting the cart before the horse. I'm usually content enough when I'm busy with my hobbies and errands.
To be clear, I have ASD Level 1, I have little sexual interest at most and I am always respectful of people. Also I decided long ago to never marry or have children.
Most advice says to quash those troublesome feelings and mind my own business, more so as a guy who is expected to be strong and free of weakness.
A lot of online advice falls back on cynicism and self help clichés, like I should love myself or that autistic men are undateable, etc.
Why would it be a weakness?
It's a perfectly natural wish to have an intimate relationship with another. Of course being on the spectrum means that it'll always be potentially difficult but that in itself shouldn't prevent you from trying.
Hopefully you may meet someone who has compassion and understanding of the uniqueness that we bring to a relationship and you may also meet people who don't and the feeling of rejection can be painful but everyone meets rejection or feels it at times in their lives, not just us.