Published on 12, July, 2020
I, a 30 something male, have occasional longings for romantic connections. It's so stupid, I have never had friends let alone a girlfriend, and I know it's a lifelong endeavour of self development and discovery.
It is usually triggered by seeing couples walk along the street holding hands or hugging and being bombarded by media no matter how much I avoid it. It has also been a catalyst for my depression which I have since controlled with medication.
It's wrong of me to think about such things when I lack even the most basic friendship and socialising skills which come naturally to most people. I feel like I don't deserve to think about romantic love and I'm putting the cart before the horse. I'm usually content enough when I'm busy with my hobbies and errands.
To be clear, I have ASD Level 1, I have little sexual interest at most and I am always respectful of people. Also I decided long ago to never marry or have children.
Most advice says to quash those troublesome feelings and mind my own business, more so as a guy who is expected to be strong and free of weakness.
A lot of online advice falls back on cynicism and self help clichés, like I should love myself or that autistic men are undateable, etc.
I'll answer my own question by saying yes, it is a weakness, at least for me. It seems like a mental illness when I keep tormenting myself over being chronically alone but lacking the strength and courage to change it.
I need to remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
ExplodingHeads said:lacking the strength and courage to change it.
Then do something about it. Start small - work on yourself to be the person you want to be.
Once you start to feel good about yourself you will grow and you can work on socialising with females and try to gague their reactions to you.
Research which dating apps have better reputations for long term relationships and for neurodivergent people and maybe start out there with low expectations. Use it to gain experience with dating and not really expecting to find a soul mate.
Learn to enjoy the company of women and I think you will find that when you stop trying so hard then you will come across as being authentic and will find someone who likes you for who you really are.
If you can learn to enjoy the journey it makes the whole experience so much nicer.