Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
Anyone else have this problem? Or where your partner has this issue with you? I'm in my first serious relationship with a Polish girl, and therefore it's a long distance relationship. I've been to stay at her's twice now. She can be a bit 'needy' and craves touches and physical interaction. And going so far as wanting me to be jealous if someone else starts talking to her. Being 37 now (she's 29) and being diagnosed with autism back in 2017, I find all that are bit perplexing and childish? I'm not one for being jealous. And consider myself more of a realist. I know there's no danger of her being 'stolen' by anyone else. There's a guy who keeps professing his love for her and sends her messages every month or two. He's a bit obsessive. But he lives all the way in Australia and doesn't know where she lives anyway. And therefore, I'm not too concerned. It sounds like the guy needs to get over it and get some help, but I certainly don't feel jealous.
I also feel like I have more of a stronger attachment to my hobbies/passions and personal possessions than I do my girlfriend, which sounds bad. I also find it difficult to get attached to people now. In part because of being hurt and let down so often. Therefore find it difficult to be 'lovey-dovey'. It's just not me. And I show my love and affection in other ways, such as buying gifts etc. We kiss and cuddle, so that's never a problem either. I just feel as though I'm emotionally blind. I don't have those feelings of 'love' like I did once before. Last time was when I was 16. And that was to the point of being lovesick.
Anyone else have the same problem in their relationship?
Thanks
I concentrate on my special interests. Luckily my partner does the same thing, and they concentrate on their special interests too, so the conversations we have together are always interesting. I just got my first guitar yesterday, and I've been profusely writing down notes on music theory for the past 4 days, that I barely ate anything. I am just so facinated with it. My partner saw my notebook, and it's just filled with diagrams, numbers, music notes, etc. They liked it a lot.
I don't usually feel jealous of other people, and neither does my partner. When I'm out by myself, people just leave me alone. I feel like a part of the background, and it's very peaceful. But when I'm out with my partner, the world becomes a complete different place. People just suddenly pop out of nowhere, to try and get my partner's attention. They walk into us, almost shoving me aside. They try to inch their way closer to my partner. They talk very loudly hoping that my partner hears them and takes notice of them. They give me cut eyes, a bad angry look, or a condescending look. I wonder what kind of world did I get transported into? It's unrecognizable to me!
It's weird that your girlfriend wants you to be jealous. Someone long ago told me that some girls want you to get jealous, because they believe that it means you care about them. Some of them will even test their partner, by trying to fabricate a situation, to try and make their partner jealous of them. I guess they like a guy who shows a lot of interest in them, that they don't want any other guy to have them. I don't really get that kind of mindset though. It sounds controlling. I've had a guy who would get jealous of their girlfriend a lot, and he and would interrogate her for hours about every single person she talked to that day, but come on. Half the population are males. It could be the bus driver, a retail clerk, a bank teller, etc. Encountering some random dude during some point of the day is just unavoidable, because everyone is working to earn a living. She's no longer with that guy, fortunately for her. But maybe some people enjoy that insane level of jealousy and control, but I still don't get it.
Same. I don't get the mindset at all. Her sister is terrible for it. Very controlling. Dictating on who their partner talks to and shares their social media account. Any other female has been blocked.
Hullabaloo said:It's weird that your girlfriend wants you to be jealous.
The "headology" behind this is that she probably thinks that because her partner is not that demonstrative of his affections that he may not care for her so she is using this technique to prove to herself that he actually does care.
With the partner being many countries away this form of confirmation is quite understandable - her ADHD may well make her question it more than most people.
It is a form of attempted manipulation but one that is widely accepted as part of the neurotypical "game" of romance.
When it moves beyone the "cry for help" stage and becomes the green eyed monster of jealousy where any interaction with a male is a threat then it has moved to the controlling stage and is much more of an issue.
I've been on both sides of it and it seems to me that when there is a power imbalance in the relationship then it is the one who cares more who tends to be the one who gets jealous.