Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
Anyone else have this problem? Or where your partner has this issue with you? I'm in my first serious relationship with a Polish girl, and therefore it's a long distance relationship. I've been to stay at her's twice now. She can be a bit 'needy' and craves touches and physical interaction. And going so far as wanting me to be jealous if someone else starts talking to her. Being 37 now (she's 29) and being diagnosed with autism back in 2017, I find all that are bit perplexing and childish? I'm not one for being jealous. And consider myself more of a realist. I know there's no danger of her being 'stolen' by anyone else. There's a guy who keeps professing his love for her and sends her messages every month or two. He's a bit obsessive. But he lives all the way in Australia and doesn't know where she lives anyway. And therefore, I'm not too concerned. It sounds like the guy needs to get over it and get some help, but I certainly don't feel jealous.
I also feel like I have more of a stronger attachment to my hobbies/passions and personal possessions than I do my girlfriend, which sounds bad. I also find it difficult to get attached to people now. In part because of being hurt and let down so often. Therefore find it difficult to be 'lovey-dovey'. It's just not me. And I show my love and affection in other ways, such as buying gifts etc. We kiss and cuddle, so that's never a problem either. I just feel as though I'm emotionally blind. I don't have those feelings of 'love' like I did once before. Last time was when I was 16. And that was to the point of being lovesick.
Anyone else have the same problem in their relationship?
Thanks
DustyShinigami said:I know there's no danger of her being 'stolen' by anyone else.
It sounds like she craves attention and if the right person comes along to offer this while you are away then the risk of you being wrong rises sharply.
I would say respect her wishes as far as you comfortably can do - taking her for granted will almost certainly result in her finding someone who does look after her well.
DustyShinigami said: also find it difficult to get attached to people now. In part because of being hurt and let down so often. Therefore find it difficult to be 'lovey-dovey'. It's just not me.
My wife would say that is just my excuse for being lazy in the same situation. Sometimes when the partner needs something and if isn't too hard to provide then it is worth doing to make them feel happy. It is called compromise.
DustyShinigami said:I just feel as though I'm emotionally blind. I don't have those feelings of 'love' like I did once before.
I would say this is an area for you to develop. You know you have the capacity to feel but have numbed yourself to it. Get some therapy and learn how to reconnect and feel authentic again. It isn't that expensive and the benefits are worth it I believe.
This is called the "working on the relationship" part - share it with your girlfriend and tell her you are working on it and she will probably love you all the more for making an effort to overcome such a trauma.
That sums up my advice - it isn't easy to make a relationship work long distance and even worse when there are neurodiverse partners with different issues. It takes effort, work and compromise, but it is worth it.
The rest is down to you.
Really good valuable advise!