Struggling with adulting

NAS94270 said:

I need to socialise, but I also do not want to, and I also struggle to do so.

Welcome to the forum.

First of all what you describe is very common amongst autists and the social anxiety you describe is a result of our brains having developed slightly differently to "normals" (called NTs or Neuro Typicals) and this makes us have to work a whole lot harder to understand and follow the social cues and rules that they all seem to intuitively understand.

My first question is why do you need to socialise.

By this I mean are you expecting to socialise like a NT and lead a life like them? If so then I would say that it helps to understand more about why you are different, what it costs you and that you will always be "faking it to make it" in this way.

The exact mechanisms of why we develop this are still being untangled but it seems to be partly developmental where we didn't socialise as much or as well as our peers, often preferring our own company and this contributed to not learning from exposure / mimicking as they did. It is also partly because we perceive interactions differently because of often highly sensitive senses and difficulties in filtering out different audio or visual inputs.

My advice is to keep your socialising to the things that interest you (clubs for your hobbies perhaps) and any friends that really accept you for being a bit different. All the other stuff that you "need" to do is best done as a minumum and then with an understanding of the cost.

NAS94270 said:

my mother thinks it is something I need

She isn't you and you get to decide this. If social interaction is anxiety inducing then it isn't that great for you after all. Done in moderation it can be managable however but it is for you to decide what you are comfortable with.

Where I have taked about the cost of socialising I mean that it causes anxiety and stress - these draw on your energy of which you only have so much until you end up shutting down due to either meltdown or burnout. Please learn your limits for this as it is important to your health to avoid them.

To recover you typically need peace and quiet for a while or persuing a relaxing hobby you really like - maybe watching TV, listening to music or reading - even just sitting quitly for a few hours.

NAS94270 said:

I cannot manage my money or really cook for myself, and I just cannot make myself aware of my surroundings. I have dexterity issues as well, and I am trying to get employment.

All these are also common autistic traits and there are lots of posts about these on this site - maybe try the search button (magnifying glass on the top right by the Donate button) and you will find more info on these.

Knowing and accepting our limitations is important but you can also work to slowly improve some of these as well - we are not set in stone so if you really want to do something then there is still a chance you can do it (well maybe becoming a concert pianist can be a stretch if you lack income and have 10 thumbs when it comes to the piano...)

you are not alone plus I have a hard time with doing my chores the right way I am way more capable of doing them plus attention span vary long and sometimes I don't want to plus they need be done and stopping the meltdowns too

you are not alone plus I have a hard time with doing my chores the right way I am way more capable of doing them plus attention span vary long and sometimes I don't want to plus they need be done and stopping the meltdowns too