My adult son who has high function autism

One thing we autistic people do differently from neurotypicals (which I am guessing you are), is that we don't tend to judge people. Either we don't judge at all because we have so few expectations from that 'inference' neurotypicals assume everyone behaves, or because we just accept people at face value without constantly questioning their motives.

Try not to take your own values, beliefs, standards, hygiene etc. and apply them to your son. We have our own ways of doing things, and often the internal reasons for doing them are complex.

E.g. some people might judge I am disgusting because I only wash my hair once a week. If I had a choice I wouldn't wash it at all, because I don't like the feeling on my scalp, and I really don't like getting water in my eyes and ears. Some people might judge me as disgusting because I try to wear the same clothes (not underwear) for a week. But I don't like changing them, they only start to feel comfortable after I've worn them a few days, it is good for the environment to only wash things when they are dirty or smelly, and I don't do manual labour so am not getting them stinky. I can only wash the dishes if the temperature of the water is just right, so I fill the sink and leave it to cool - but often forget to go back when it's the right temperature to wash them!

It is hard asking for help. I got into a difficult situation similar to your son, and gave in and got a home help. She annoys me more than she helps. She keeps moving my stuff to the wrong place, doesn't put the stuff in the washing machine properly, doesn't hang things properly on the clotheshorse, keeps losing my socks (when I make sure I wash them as a pair, one inside the other), throws out bottles, jars, hand soap etc. when there's still some left in the bottom and puts stuff away in the wrong place in the kitchen. She also chats for the full hour about pointless topics. Is it worth it, to me, to have a clean kitchen and bathroom? Some days I really wonder.

One thing we autistic people do differently from neurotypicals (which I am guessing you are), is that we don't tend to judge people. Either we don't judge at all because we have so few expectations from that 'inference' neurotypicals assume everyone behaves, or because we just accept people at face value without constantly questioning their motives.

Try not to take your own values, beliefs, standards, hygiene etc. and apply them to your son. We have our own ways of doing things, and often the internal reasons for doing them are complex.

E.g. some people might judge I am disgusting because I only wash my hair once a week. If I had a choice I wouldn't wash it at all, because I don't like the feeling on my scalp, and I really don't like getting water in my eyes and ears. Some people might judge me as disgusting because I try to wear the same clothes (not underwear) for a week. But I don't like changing them, they only start to feel comfortable after I've worn them a few days, it is good for the environment to only wash things when they are dirty or smelly, and I don't do manual labour so am not getting them stinky. I can only wash the dishes if the temperature of the water is just right, so I fill the sink and leave it to cool - but often forget to go back when it's the right temperature to wash them!

It is hard asking for help. I got into a difficult situation similar to your son, and gave in and got a home help. She annoys me more than she helps. She keeps moving my stuff to the wrong place, doesn't put the stuff in the washing machine properly, doesn't hang things properly on the clotheshorse, keeps losing my socks (when I make sure I wash them as a pair, one inside the other), throws out bottles, jars, hand soap etc. when there's still some left in the bottom and puts stuff away in the wrong place in the kitchen. She also chats for the full hour about pointless topics. Is it worth it, to me, to have a clean kitchen and bathroom? Some days I really wonder.