Published on 12, July, 2020
I've just finished reading "How to handle Neurotypicals" by Abel Abelson. I found it very interesting.
It explains how we we project our own self-image, or the ideas we have about ourselves, on other people, believing they have the same characteristics we presume we have, but advised that we shouldn't assume that another person is basically or fundamentally the same as us. We should start from thinking they are completely different, while gradually finding convergent points if there are any.
It also touches on the problem we have all had of trying to take off masks and find our true self, which gives rise to a problem in recognising other autistic people: "You might have been so busy overadapting and mimicking neurotypical behavior, and the same may be true for those other people like you, that it has become almost impossible to mutually recognize each other as actually similar beings. You may have been together at the same party, both thoroughly hating every aspect of it, and both so successfully mimicking joy and integration, that you didn’t even recognize each other’s similarities."
It also explains that it's futile expecting other people to change, or trying to change them ourselves, but that we can survive better by finding our own solutions to problems.
I would highly recommend this book to Autistic adults.
After reading your post and recommendation (thank you), I was keen to check out the book. However, having read some of one-, two- and three-star reviews on Amazon, I don't think it's one for me. Worth checking, perhaps, for others before buying (this is NOT an affiliate link):https://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B08GZ9Z9FL/ref=?ie=UTF8&filterByStar=two_star&reviewerType=all_reviews&pageNumber=1#reviews-filter-bar
BOUGHT!
£2.50 for the Kindle edition - certainly worth a go.
I know nothing about this book, but would recommend to all adults with autism, read more! learn more! It helps for 2 reasons
1) You know more about this profound and hard to describe condition which effects us, knowing more makes it easier to develop your own strategies and work-arounds for life (you can't really use other peoples sadly, and need to use your own)
2) It helps to feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. It's really hard not to become alone and isolated with Autism because on a day to day basis we tend not to meet too many of people like us. Using books and community groups like this is a way of building our own foundations stronger, the more we engage with the subject, the more real it becomes.
Yeah, it's very annoying when people say "I know you.." When they actually have no idea how you feel or what you're thinking.
Pixiefox said:It explains how we we project our own self-image, or the ideas we have about ourselves, on other people, believing they have the same characteristics we presume we have, but advised that we shouldn't assume that another person is basically or fundamentally the same as us. We should start from thinking they are completely different, while gradually finding convergent points if there are any.
I found that neurotypicals do the same - they have looked at my behaviour and projected their own self image and come up with the wrong answer but won't allow me to challenge their assessment. Maybe we have more in common than we thought?
This hits the mark with me! I'm constantly confused or irritated that people don't do things the way I do them. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll take a look
I like the name of this book! Yes! It’s so true! But after some time I realize, that here and there I already met other people like me. At work, in the college etc. but I don’t know how many I failed to recognize due to masking. I wanna read this book, when I have time.
Pixiefox said:it has become almost impossible to mutually recognize each other as actually similar beings. You may have been together at the same party, both thoroughly hating every aspect of it, and both so successfully mimicking joy and integration, that you didn’t even recognize each other’s similarities."
Since what you have written mimics my own thinking & insights very closely I can't help but agree even though I've never been near that book!