Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been taking driving lessons for nearly 2 years now. From an outside point of view I'm a good driver with a few clearance issues, my instructor even says I'm test ready. What people don't see is the near paralysing fear I feel every time I get in the car. I'm so safe because I'm terrified. I've gotten pretty good at hiding how I feel, unless it gets too stressful and then I cry, but my instructor only really sees that fear and frustration maybe once a month. I'm also good because my instructor takes me on the same route every time, if it isn't that route then its another I've done before, but the test examiner could take me on a different route so any skill I have will go out the window if I get taken on a different route.
I'm considering stopping my lessons. I've spent way way too much money on it for the past 2 years and the fear hasn't gone away. It's unpredictable, scary, hard to read because there's some sort of unspoken road language, there's so much stuff to manage all at once, I honestly hate it. I got pushed into doing it and feel like I'll let people down and be a burden on my parents if I can't drive myself places. I dont wanna do that but it seems more and more likely after every lesson that that will happen. I'm wondering if continuing is even worth the time, money and effort anymore.
Anyone have any opinions or advice? How do yall find driving?
Been here, myself. Tips that got/get me through.
1 have the instructor take you on a SLIGHTLY different route each time.
2 have the instructor not talk at all and pretend to be alone - this was surprisingly calming for me and you will face that.
3 - be destination oriented. Map out the route in your head, and one or two alternates.
4 - Talk your self through whatever is going on - ie: "ok, right turn..red light." - as it's happening and imagine you are 3 meters above the car with 360 20/20 vision and with the super power to also be manipulating the car.
5 - repeat "I'm a very good driver, even if I am not perfect."
6 - be very accommodating to other drivers. It is a team effort and everyone is trying to manage the job just like you.
7 - and for defensive driving:
I pretend these 3 things are always happening (no matter the odds against that being so)
a - Every one else is drunk or high
b - no one can see me unless they signal clearly with their hands that they can and are looking full face at me.
c - the horn is my friend.
Fear is the worst of it, for us. It didn't help me that my Nan, while she was alive, was so paranoid about accidents and claims against us. My mum had to deal with those issues.
I began to drive to and from Belfast, a few times, last year. However, the traffic is merciless; there. Especially the taxi drivers.
Driving on quiet country roads compared with a busy traffic filled city are different planets really. I know my limits and I make sure I plan my journeys so I’m not putting myself through too much stress. But on a good day, on quiet roads with the radio on and the windows down I enjoy driving so much. It can be lovely when all the conditions are right. What I love the most about being able to drive is that I like to visit isolated and quiet places at quiet times of day (early morning, evening) and public transport just can’t meet my needs in that way. Plus trains are so expensive now too.