Driving as an autistic person. Advice?

Seriously good & useful post, 

I always pull in to allow people the chance to overtake when I drive on unfamiliar 'A' and 'B' roads if someone is driving too close to me, and rarely overtake on the 'M' roads, they have to be seriously slow. I always leave 50% earlier than I have to, and have an alternative route mapped out (I write the road numbers on post-it notes with how to recognise the places to turn off, either a new road number or a destination name and stick it to the windscreen or the visor). I am always vigilant with my mirrors, and only had one accident in 30 years, at low speed. I drive with the car very cool to keep my focus, keep sunglasses close by, and a sippy bottle of water beside me, calm music (or no music) on the stereo, a snack in case of traffic jam. I also have a car that doesn't beep all the time! 

Advice?

Apply more power and speed is often the solution to most driving problems...

If you've got time to get upset with the other drivers it just means you aren't going fast enough to occupy your mind.

If someone blows the horn at you, then clearly they had time to do that without being fully occupied with taking avoiding action, so axiomatically they are over reacting, which is their problem.

And of course, never drink and drive, because when you get to the end of each beer you have to tilt your head back for longer periods which compromises your view of the roads and at the speed you'll be driving if you take my other advice you do need to keep your eyes on the road. 

DISCLAIMER: The advice given above is almost completely wrong, and comes from a bad place. You probably should not read it, let alone act on it. 

I managed to pass my practical test on the first attempt with the chief examiner in 2013. Unfortunately, I have been unable to buy my first car, because you need a job to fund one.

Don't give up. It just takes practice. If you are a careful driver, you have nothing to worry about.

I passed my driving test on the fifth attempt. I found the whole process of learning incredibly stressful and came close to giving up.

However changing driving instructor made all the difference for me. My new instructor was very patient and calming and he explained absolutely everything in detail - for example how the clutch works. He even had Lego  models to demonstrate.

I’m now quite a relaxed driver despite that difficult start.

Don’t give up. It’s such a useful life skill.

Hi miztwizted, 

We understand that learning to drive can be stressful. You may find our webpage about driving helpful, this includes more information on learning to drive, tests, driving licences, fitness rules, and the Blue Badge scheme. We also have advice about financial help that may be available to you. Once you have navigated to the page, please select the nation that is relevant to you https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/transport/driving 

Kind Regards,

Rosie Mod

Hello, I did drive once on a motorway just to see if I could but never again. I do know drivers who would think nothing of driving on the M25 but fear the local, narrow country roads so we all have strengths and weakness when it comes to driving.

My landy does have an overdrive and will do 55 mph. I would not wish to go faster given there is no brake servo on a drum brake system fitted to early LR's.    

I only learnt to drive a few years ago in my late 30s, and I am so glad I did. The freedom and independence it gives me is great, and I always struggled with public transport. And one of my hobbies is to go hiking and explore nature, and the ability to drive literally anywhere, even remote places on tiny country roads is so freeing. It also allowed me to move somewhere without good public transport, instead of being stuck in the city.

What is the reason for you learning to drive? Don't do it just because someone told you that you need to. If you don't need or want to drive then it'll never be something you want to do. You should have a desire to do it.

I am also a cautious and nervous driver (still). I am totally fine with driving on familiar routes, but struggle when driving to somewhere new. Even with the satnav, I find the amount of information over-stimulating, but it doesn't lead to me being dangerous, I just sometimes come off at the wrong turning of a roundabout or come off too early/late on a motorway.

Back when I lived in the city I hardly ever drove, so was fearful about it. And I found the city junctions and roundabouts intimidating and confusing. It made me very panicky coming up to a big multi-lane roundabout. Where I live now I have to drive, which means I've got used to it. I quite enjoy it now. The roads are quieter here and mostly consist of single lane 30mph roads or 60mph roads over the hills.

When I was passing my test, my instructor had me practice all of the possible routes, so that I wouldn't be caught out in an unknown situation. I previously had lessons in my early 20s which I abandoned, so I totally understand why you might want to give up. You can always come back later and get more lessons if you want to try again. It's not a now or never situation.

LucyLandRover said:

I would not drive on a motorway as my reactions would not be fast enough and I find it overwhelming

Unless you have enough speed to keep up the motorway is horrible. I did 20 miles on the M40 riding a Ural 650 combo which did a maximum of 50 mph and never did it again.. (Was the only time that riding that machine wasn't a riot of fun)

However, if you do have sufficient power to keep your place the abscence of blind corners, road furniture, pedestrans and all the other hazards that motorways carefully remove, actually makes the motorway experience TOO relaxing...  

People get lulled in to a false sense of security and then drive too close, camp in the middle lane of the M40 going up the hill after stratford oblivious of all the lane changing activity taking place behind them as every third driver considers the "undertake", or, (my favourite), their exit comes up a bit faster than they expected so they do something stupid instead of accepting the extra time taken to miss it and get the next one. (I did that twice in my 30's whilst driving for a living and nearly died in the ensuing incidents before I learned that one by heart.

I absolutely love driving, and my car is my special interest - but it also terrifies me.

I passed my test (3rd time lucky) before I knew that I was Autistic, many years ago.

My advice is if you have a good relationship with your instructor, talk to them, I'm sure that they'll be able to offer you some good advice.

You've come this far, and  you are learning an important life skill - go for it!

I want to expand on the de-stressing part of driving. During covid the only way I found I could de-stress was to drive, so I drove and drove and drove. I rarely ever got out of the car as I was way too nurvous to go in shops. (Am facemask exempt, but I go to pieces when seeing other people wearing facemasks which is why I find visiting dentists difficult as it stresses me before I start. 

But I put more miles than most people during covid because had I not done that I would have ended up in a major breakdown. Was not long since I had one before covid.  Could not access NHS during covid as could not do facemasks or speak over the phone, so medical help during covid was out of the question.

So glad I could drive!

I passed my test 3rd attempt, but it was the 1990's 30 years beforeI found out I had ASD. I have driven around a million miles since! I found it was just lots of practicse for me, familiar routes and the like. I know it is more difficult now but it will change your life so please keep it and and best of luck.

I drive and drove over four hundred miles to Suffolk and back which really took it out of me. I took breaks and it gave me confidence. I would not drive on a motorway as my reactions would not be fast enough and I find it overwhelming. If you hate driving then do not be pressured in to a situation that is overwhelming as you may be placed in a dangerous situation for you and other road users. You are not a burden for being honest, please do not think that, there are other transport options. Can you cycle? Public transport may be an option as well.

Also, I find that when driving feels good it is awesome. I find it relaxing and freeing. When driving feels bad (commuting is awful) it is stressful and, honestly, quite dangerous. I only drive now if I don't have a set time to get to my destination and I ALWAYS use a satnav. 

I feel the same about driving. I did pass my test, at an older age than people usually do, and after months of my instructor telling me I was ready. I'm quite good at putting fear aside for tests (I actually perform better under pressure but it always reaches a breaking point) I don't drive anymore because it's uncomfortable for me, I don't enjoy it and I'll admit that it makes me feel unsafe. And I think that's the most important thing, if YOU feel unsafe then it is OK not to do it. There are plenty of people who do not drive. My sister has a medical condition which means she cannot drive, she lives a full life. It's not easy not to drive, I get that, but there are ways around it. I'm glad I do have a license because there are occasions when I feel comfortable to drive and it's more convenient for me to drive (don't want to get on public transport or it's handy to have a lockable car to store things in when I get to my location) But the main thing is to do what feels right for you. You can always pick back up and get your licence later in your life.

Driving on quiet country roads compared with a busy traffic filled city are different planets really. I know my limits and I make sure I plan my journeys so I’m not putting myself through too much stress. But on a good day, on quiet roads with the radio on and the windows down I enjoy driving so much. It can be lovely when all the conditions are right. What I love the most about being able to drive is that I like to visit isolated and quiet places at quiet times of day (early morning, evening) and public transport just can’t meet my needs in that way. Plus trains are so expensive now too. 

Fear is the worst of it, for us. It didn't help me that my Nan, while she was alive, was so paranoid about accidents and claims against us. My mum had to deal with those issues.

I began to drive to and from Belfast, a few times, last year. However, the traffic is merciless; there. Especially the taxi drivers.

I’m still rubbish at parallel parking - even though I’m a very competent (if I say so myself!)and careful driver. I take driving very seriously and always try to be courteous to other drivers too. Sometimes in the rest of my life I feel I’m getting everything wrong - so being able to drive well and contribute to my family in that way helps my confidence in myself. It’s something I can reliably do well - which is a comfort!

Been here, myself. Tips that got/get me through.

1 have the instructor take you on a SLIGHTLY different route each time.

2 have the instructor not talk at all and pretend to be alone - this was surprisingly calming for me and you will face that.

3 - be destination oriented. Map out the route in your head, and one or two alternates.

4 - Talk your self through whatever is going on - ie: "ok, right turn..red light." - as it's happening and imagine you are 3 meters above the car with 360 20/20 vision and with the super power to also be manipulating the car.

5 - repeat "I'm a very good driver, even if I am not perfect."

6 - be very accommodating to other drivers. It is a team effort and everyone is trying to manage the job just like you.

7 - and for defensive driving:

      I pretend these 3 things are always happening (no matter the odds against that being so)

     a - Every one else is drunk or high

     b - no one can see me unless they signal clearly with their hands that they can and are looking full face at me.

     c - the horn is my friend.

That fear does subside a bit when one gets out on ones own after passing the test and one settles down.I personally find driving relaxing as long as I keep out cities and stick to country lanes. I actually drive to de-stress.