Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and initially I felt a huge wave of relief and burst into tears. Then I felt confusion and anxiety wondering if I will ever feel like I belong and wondering who I really am without the mask. And now I just feel so completely alone. I don't have many people in my life. Just my partner and children and my Mum. My Mum has always been unable to see things from other people's perspectives and is heavily critical of anything I do. But after having gone through the journey with me getting my own children diagnosed, I honestly thought she would be somewhat understanding when I got diagnosed myself. Instead she has been just the same as always and doesn't seem to understand that I really just struggle with life and have done for my entire life. I feel like if I try to take one step forward she is right there dragging me back three steps simply because she can't accept me for who I am. I think she thinks I can just snap out of it. I don't want to lose the only family I have around but I also don't want to keep being dragged back when I'm trying to progress. I have tried to talk to her but she is incredibly stubborn and can never accept that she is ever in the wrong. I just don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore. I feel so lost and lonely and I'm constantly worrying about what is going to happen in my future.
Hey there
Sorry to hear about your family member and lack of support. I have the same problem with my partner so understand how it can feel like you’re holding your frustration in all the time. I have basically given up trying to educate my partner as she doesn’t have the ability to be mindful. My youngest son is autistic and she is ok with him but doesn’t put in half the time or effort to research the topic as I have . I can only presume that maybe she blames me for our son being on the spectrum. I have never written that before but thought it for long enough. Is your partner supportive? I hope they are and at least you have that, after all I guess you are around them for far more time than your mother. I agree with DontTry, go find some people that you know you will connect with and if you’re not sure give it a go anyway. Someone told me that friends are the family you choose for yourself. I do agree with DontTry on the other point that there are no real friends, I can see through 99% of mine (which is a short list anyway). I just feel disappointed with their values and selfishness. Support groups are something I feel would be good and would like to try myself just to meet some of our own tribe.
Good luck and hope things become easier for you
Hi. I'm sorry you've been experiencing similar issues. It's so difficult isn't it? Sometimes I just wish I could let people live inside my head for a day so they can experience it themselves. It's such a huge change to your life but it's difficult for others to comprehend that.
I'm sure your partner doesn't blame you. It's nobody's fault and its not a negative thing at all. Maybe they are struggling with trying to wrap their head around it? It's hard for people to put themselves in others shoes. I'm the same as you with researching it all. I want to know as much as possible about it so I can best support my kids. There is a LOT of information out there. Could they be struggling with trying to retain it all? Maybe they are overwhelmed by it? I find it easier if I have it on paper physically in front of me. I have a big file full of stuff that I have to keep going back to.
My partner is understanding. I'm almost certain he is also neurodivergent and he has trouble communicating so he doesn't say much... about anything really  But just knowing that he understands and doesn't judge is a massive help and makes me feel less 'weird'.
I'm definitely going to be on the look out for some kind of group to meet more people like us. I really do think that is key to it all. I mean, just making this post and reading these awesome replies has already made me feel so much better.
I truly hope you find what you're looking for. And I wish you the best of luck with everything too. Thankyou for taking the time to read my post, I appreciate it.