Published on 12, July, 2020
School was a long time ago for me, almost 50 years, so autism wasn't "invented" then, of course people including me had it, it just wasn't recognised, we were "a bit slow", or the dreaded "could do better". I'm dyslexic too, another thing that wasn't recognised then, I found out at the age of 42 that about 60% of the dyslexia was caused by and astigmatism and was given the right glasses and could read the word little for the first time. I lose thin letters between fat one and to many uprights as in little are just a blur, if any of you have children who you think might be dyslexic, get them a proper eye test it could save years of hassle.
But thats sort of besides the point, I hated school, I didn't understand what was expected of me, all the other children knew each other. I'd never played with more than one child before school and was totally unprepared for the sheer amount of noise a class full of 5 year olds could make, I think I had a headache for the first couple of years. I was often classed as selfish because I didn't know how to share, never having had a need to before. I used to sit and watch other children and spent lots of time on my own, I didn't meet other children outside of school until I was about 8 or 9. I often wonder how much of this was autism and how much of it was social or circumstancial? I managed to survive primary school, but secondary school nearly finished me off, I used to truant regularly, I think I was a school refuser but nobody used that term then, you were just bad. I was bullied more or less constantly, maths was a nightmare I felt trapped in unable to wake up from, I was always in trouble for being "stupid", because nobody believed that I really didn't understand, except for the one time I did and was told off for getting the right answer by the wrong method, I gave up after that and stopped trying. I didn't really do well at all, the one O level I could of passed I wasn't allowed to do because the teacher didn't like me.
How different schools seem now, with special needs assistance, even when theres not enough of it etc.
What were your experiences of school? I'm interested in how the experience of older people is different to that of younger ones. Does the help, help? Does it add to your stress?
My 1st school was an English speaking school in Bangkok. My father was a junior diplomat at the British embassy there. They were way ahead of their time in noticing I had difficulties that needed to be checked out . I was tested at GT Ormond street for what then the S word circa 1962 . The result was negative. No other possibilities were tested for. In 1965 I started 10 years of prep and then public school. For the 1st three years I wet the bed almost daily, but never did so at home during the school holidays. Thankfully I'd stopped by time I went to public school. I was subjected to some bullying at prep school.Almost as soon as I started at public school I was subjected to very high levels of verbal bullying. Within a very short time I went from introverted and shy to being very what we now call socially anxious. That was followed by increasing levels of depression. I was admitted to psych hospital ,for the 1st time, from public school at the start of what should've been the term I took A levels.I underperformed academically to a quite high degree. A child similar nowadays to how I was then would very likely be seen as 2e. Back in 1961- 1975 there was no help for people like me. It's only very recently that I've found out that academic achievement in school age children is correlated more with executive functioning than with IQ . I had marked EF weaknesses when it came to organising and planning. In March 2020 an interest in quizzes and tests led me to the high IQ community on Facebook. I did quite well on the high range tests mentioned there. That included tests created and/or normed by psychometricians. This may sound unbelievable but I actually find such tests easier than the daily living skills most people take in their stride.Getting back to education. Apart from a brief attempt at a history A level correspondence course, late 1975 to early 1976, I've not done any further studying since leaving school. I've been encouraged to do so several times, but have never been able to feel safe enough to be in a classroom with other people . My care coordinator come depot nurse has described it as 'bullying related trauma'.
It took me a long time to get up the courage to go back to a class room, still the smell of schools brings on my gag reflex. I did go to other classes, back in the day when adult education was a thing and evening classes abounded, I did two massage courses and an unsuccessful archery one. I did a hairdressing course in my mid 30's which was totally unlike school except for some of the people, I didn' treally make any friends, but I got on alright with most people. I learned that put in front of a mirror I perform and lose a lot of social anxiety, I'd pretty much have a story of the day and repeat it to every client. I did an access course a I left school with nothing and didn't find that very good or helpful, but I did do well on the history module. Then I took a deep breath and took the plunge to apply for uni, I got in, on the course I wanted, I knew I was doing it for my own interest and wasn't particularly bothered about getting a "good" degree. Unexpectedly I flourished in the uni environment, I enjoyed the work and enjoyed being left to study most of it myself, lectures and seminars give you information to build upon and some direction. I didnt' celebrate getting my degree ( 2:1), I mourned the end of my time at this fantastic place, where I was challenged and supported in equal measure. I made friends, hung out with people younger than my kids and became a sort of herd matriarch, I also got on really well with my lecturers.
It makes me wonder what I would of become if I'd have had this experience of education in childhood rather than in my 40's?
I had the opposite to you, I wouldn't have been allowed to stay on at school past 16, A levels were out of the question and as for uni, I would of been a lazy work shy student. I was out of school and into various jobs that didnt' suit me with periods on the dole, I was sacked from nearly every job I had, something that led to more beatings and trouble at home.
Even when I did go to uni in my 40's my parents were largely unsupportive, my Dad especially, people like "us" didn't do things like that. There was a general lack of understanding of the benefits of education once you could do the "three R's", you got a job and worked and saved money, then I was to marry! Yeah that all worked out really well....not!
The equal opportunities act came in whilst I was at school and the male teachers hated it and decided to punish us for it, (like, WTF), they would rage around class rooms telling us all we were good for was getting married and having babies. There was quite a bit of sexual harrasment from male teachers, it was an all girls school, you be told to get something from a cupboard and then the teacher would come in and rub himself against you, it was horrible and nobody did anything about it. The nearest to anything being done was a girls dad came to the school and threatened one of the teachers, but he was threatened with arrest and the girl branded a liar, we were all branded liars.
Urgh I didn't realise how much those memories still effected me, I think I will go and have a shower now!
It was the intense anxiety of trying to please my parents by being the 1st in our family to get to uni , whilst knowing that I lacked the non academic independent living skills to be able to cope - it was that coupled with the bullying that were the environmental catalysts for my becoming severely mentally ill. There was no help back then, mid 1970's, for people like me.