Published on 12, July, 2020
We went there yesterday and it was all retired people except for one other man who was going for the first time and also, I think, someone with mental health issues, though unlike myself, he didn't come across as Autistic.
Some of the people there were very nice, I however felt very stilted in their company, as I do generally with most people. I felt a dislike for myself because I was struggling to smile at people and think of anything to say and couldn't decide where to look or who to look at and felt awkward.
I don't think I'll go again, the main reason people go is to talk and be friendly which is what I also wanted to be a part of but I felt utterly like a fish out of water. I feel a little upset because my social worker helped set that group up and seemed convinced going there would be good for me as there would be no women I could fall in love with (his words) and he thought nobody there would pose a risk to me.
The thing I find most difficult about social clubs is I tend to want to talk about things specifically, such as what I'm interested in or have been thinking about, and others there are spontaneous and talking about, for example, a coot that was spotted nesting under a water fountain and a swan that was pecking at a dog, neither of which I found very interesting, but were both a source of amusement to others in the group. This left me feeling mean towards the others as I simply wasn't interested and also bored.
I went for walks with the Yorkshire ramblers several times. Most of them are retired, all are eccentric and they are very very fit. It was a struggle to keep up. The scenery on these walks was great.
The scenery looks fantastic. I'd probably enjoy a walk like that.
Yes, I thought that scenery looked fantastic too. Maybe the walking group you took part in might do different types of walks sometimes as well - might be worth asking about it to find out?
I wondered: depending on your own particular interests - might you perhaps have a t-shirt, or a bag with a design hinting at the theme, or a lapel badge, or a hat which might offer some hints about your interest?
You might find the older members of the walking group are pretty observant about things like that and ask you about it / show an interest - they might be a curious bunch as yet to be discovered. (Older people are offten well used to starting off a conversation with people too - so you would probably not have to do all the work trying to start the talking going).
Social conversations are not my strong point - so I sometimes think about to myself: "what about this topic (of my interest) would fit easily written on a postcard?" - I try thinking about a potential conversation that way and then see if anyone picks up the other side of the potential conversation. No takers? Never mind, I try selecting a completely different "would fit on a postcard" mini-topic a bit later on.
When I am in the company of people older than myself; I find it interesting to think about what varied lives they are likely to have experienced so far. I like to learn some tips from people older than me - they can surprise you with the breadth of their own interests / knowledge / skills too.
I don't find it comfortable trying to walk and talk with people - so I am perhaps more likely to save my "conversation energy" for over the coffee / tea break if there might be one.
My suspicion is that I am not very likely to particularly notice a person's age - I subscribe to the idea of "the only age that matters is the one between the ears ...not what it says on their ID". By that I mean, I am likely to perceive people by how their outlook seems to me (the age of their character in their own brain, what they seem / sound like they think about, what they are passionate about, what keeps them curious about the World, how generous of spirit are they inclined to be towards other people).
I don't find it easy to estimate somebody's age if people ask me that about someone. Maybe that is just my own quirk - but it does mean that e.g. in a workplace - I am more open to being part of supporting a "trainee" colleague developing and then graduating into the "experienced person" in a Team - more so than some colleagues might sometimes seem to be - so I don't think my "judge the age bewteen the ears" approach can be such a bad idea after all.
...if you were to join that walking group again, for another try to see what one or more of them might have to offer to the experience of that outing; perhaps they might warm up further to you and find out more about what interests you (as a relativel new person in the group) and try to match up with something more than ...the more simple observations..
I think sometimes, when people use the "look at that (bird etc.)" chit-chat or "social small talk" ...that might be them just being a bit nervous or self-conscious about feeling some pressure on themselves - wanting to say "something" rather than - not much at all - around a new person joining a group. It might be worth another visit with that walking group. They might pleasantly surprise you yet.