• Replies 12 replies
  • Subscribers 85 subscribers
  • Views 1460 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

My social worker asked me to join a walking club

Roswell

We went there yesterday and it was all retired people except for one other man who was going for the first time and also, I think, someone with mental health issues, though unlike myself, he didn't come across as Autistic.

Some of the people there were very nice, I however felt very stilted in their company, as I do generally with most people. I felt a dislike for myself because I was struggling to smile at people and think of anything to say and couldn't decide where to look or who to look at and felt awkward.

I don't think I'll go again, the main reason people go is to talk and be friendly which is what I also wanted to be a part of but I felt utterly like a fish out of water. I feel a little upset because my social worker helped set that group up and seemed convinced going there would be good for me as there would be no women I could fall in love with (his words) and he thought nobody there would pose a risk to me.

The thing I find most difficult about social clubs is I tend to want to talk about things specifically, such as what I'm interested in or have been thinking about, and others there are spontaneous and talking about, for example, a coot that was spotted nesting under a water fountain and a swan that was pecking at a dog, neither of which I found very interesting, but were both a source of amusement to others in the group. This left me feeling mean towards the others as I simply wasn't interested and also bored.

  • I think this is a little bit of a sad thing that well meaning people who don't have ASD suggest.  I understand a lot of people see exercise and social interaction as important, but these things only really work if you feel a part of a "tribe".

    Someone said that to me recently about finding a "tribe" and it resounded quite a lot.  The idea of being surrounded by people who think like you, are motivated and interested in things that you do, that sense of belonging and being a part of something is so important.  My own thoughts is that when you are ASD you are automatically in a minority.  The way that "we" think (ASD) tends not to be the same as neurotypical, so it's even harder finding our tribe.

    Do you have something which you like more than anything else?

    Walking is Ok, I don't mind walking, but for a social group I think I would want to have something more interesting to be a part of.

    My opinion (and it's only that) is to keep going to the walking group for the moment.  I agree seeing a ***orange-tipped wobbler lark hawk*** isn't going to rock your world.  Getting a little exercise, chatting about anything, might just start a conversation you were interested in.

    For me I really like horror films, I know not for everyone, but if one day I happened to mention I watched The Wicker Man last night, and someone pipped up and said "OH! I love the Wicker Man!" then we'd probably be best friends after that Grin

    It takes time to know new people.

    If there is a local group that does interest you?

    Is there a place (like a community café, or pub) which might put on a special night that does interest you?

  • in reply to Mark

    No distractions, I imagine, although a strange thing to say regardless. 

  • How is there being no women you could fall in love with a good thing!?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I'm not sure really, maybe. All I know for sure is most are pensioners.

  • in reply to Roswell

    Yes and that's good it was given a try. It was a new experience, and you got through it so well done great. And it isn't like you can't do it again. Maybe you'll want to again soon, if not then at least you gave it a go. For now let things settle and see what happens and how you're feeling at a later point.

  • in reply to Roswell

    Are all the people iin the group there because of some kind of social prescribing, because if they are then some of them will be happy with minimal reactions.

  • in reply to Robert124

    The scenery looks fantastic. I'd probably enjoy a walk like that.

  • in reply to Katy

    That sounds similar to my experience except we were walking in a park so it was a more urban kind of walk. I suppose we both gave it a try.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Are you sure? Would you enjoy talking to someone like me who doesn't find it easy to smile or laugh when you tell stories, who often just mumbles monosyllabic replies? Not that I intend to be that way, it just seems how I come across at the moment.

  • I think you're being a bit hard on yourself and them, give it another go, you don't have to talk all the time, lots of people are happy to talk and have someone to listen to them.

  • Well done on going, it's not an easy thing to do. You should be proud of yourself for doing it.

    I was part of a walking group in 2021-2022. My MH team suggested I do it. I enjoyed the walking, it was through country fields and it felt good being in the fresh air and observing the scenery and any wildlife that was around. The downside was the other people. I have social anxiety and it was unbearable, especially as people kept talking to me and asking me questions about myself. They were all so nice and friendly but it was too much so I didn't go again either.

  • I went for walks with the Yorkshire ramblers several times.  Most of them are retired, all are eccentric and they are very very fit.  It was a struggle to keep up.  The scenery on these walks was great.