Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m a woman in my 30s and haven’t yet been diagnosed, and only recently familiar with masking and what it is. The problem is, I feel I have been masking my entire life and now don’t know what I am masking and what is the real me. Any tips on how to work out what I am masking and what is the real me?
I score just over the threshold on the RAADS-R test and the AQ50. However score very high on a masking/camouflaging test. It also makes me wonder, am I actually autistic or am I looking for answers that aren’t there?
It's an interesting question and there's no easy answer.
I guess for me: the closest I ever get to unmasking is in therapy, because I know that my therapist is not judging me and is welcoming (and also autistic). If I can be a bit silly, chaotic and 'unhinged', it's often a sign that something is working. Provided it's within the confines of what's appropriate, of course.
I'm glad you have that therapy where you can drop the mask. The only place I can really be myself is in my room, it's the only time I can be myself without fear.