Published on 12, July, 2020
So, masking is not all bad, right? That is my opinion atleast. I think everybody masks, just some more than others, and I think masking is necessary sometimes.
Or maybe I have some definition of masking that's different.
Anyway, one thing I learnt when unmasking was that I didn't need to do things that are the norm, whether it was something others were telling me or I was telling myself, for example, I don't have to force myself to get my driving license, or that I don't have to follow the same schedule as others.
But I'm struggling to know when to do things I do not want but might need.
Here are some things that are in my mind:
I hope I've explained it clearly. Thanks for reading!
Thanks for the recommendation!
Cosmo said:when I said socializing as an architect I meant more with coworkers or bosses, I think socializing and communication with clients is probably the easiest of them, I confess I don't really know what I need to learn here, I just know that I know nothing and it is scary to be so clueless I guess
You effectively have to be a sales rep in this situation - you need to persuade the client that you are the kind of person they want to do business with.
I would suggest familiarising yourself with what the dynamics are in these situations by studying the book:
The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)ISBN: 9781941765388
It makes a lot of other social interactions in life more obvious and easier to navigate once you understand them.
Very good points, thank you! I do fortunately enjoy what I'm studying just not the thing that's in the competition.
Iain said:I would save the masking for networking events and situations that will actively help you so you control the overhead for yourself. The friends part is less important if you are not feeling the need for them, but the career stuff is worth the pain to work with.
I would save the masking for networking events and situations that will actively help you so you control the overhead for yourself.
The friends part is less important if you are not feeling the need for them, but the career stuff is worth the pain to work with.
This is very helpful!
Thank you! Well, I guess when I said socializing as an architect I meant more with coworkers or bosses, I think socializing and communication with clients is probably the easiest of them, I confess I don't really know what I need to learn here, I just know that I know nothing and it is scary to be so clueless I guess. Maybe I just need to be patient.
Thanks for the recommendation too!
Overall, studying architecture as an autistic is weird. Architecture involves having to know many things from different fields which is opposite of what most autistics like which is focusing on one thing; it can be really overwhelming. Also, overall very very time consuming and fatiguing, I chose architecture before I knew I'm probably autistic, I'm lucky I like it enough and fortunately I don't regret it.
Being an architect would be interesting, although I would find it difficult dealing with the clients and doing what they wanted, particularly if I thought my ideas were better but they didn't like them. Do you really need to "socialise" as an architect though? Surely you only need to be able to communicate your ideas, which are partly done with drawings?
I understand what you mean about other people's mindset rubbing off on you, but I believe that can happen to anyone, not just autistic people. Seeing things in different perspectives takes time to learn. I started to change my perspective by reading books and articles about how neurotypical people perceive things and communicate, not to change myself, but to understand them better. I can recommend "A field guide to earthlings" by Ian Ford as a.starting point, if you are interested in doing that.
Cosmo said:I'm uninterested, lazy and maybe also too disheartened to try to get to know people and make friends, but I feel this is not good for me and I need to make connections, both for me and my future career.
Cosmo said:I feel like the rational thing to do is to enter it, but it's not really interesting to me
If you don't want to do it then don't. If it is a career developing move and you still aren't interested in it then the chances are your career choice is a poor one.
As autists we have special interests that allow us to focus on them in ways neurotypicals can only dream of, so my advice is to find a career that you are really interested in and work towards that. It makes all the meetings and work hours so much more tolerable when you love your work.
Thanks for your great reply!
The reasons I thought making connections would be good for me are that I think I need to learn to be better at socializing as a future architect, also, the only people I know are my family members which makes me feel isolated, cause I think they, specially my mother, have mindsets that rub off on me and sometimes I struggle to see things in different perspectives, does that make sense? I'm not that interested in sharing my interests, I do that with my brother or online and that is enough for me, I guess I'm more interested in learning from others.
I guess the reason I thought entering the competition is rational was cause I think it exposes me? Or because it's something new it'd teach me something? But yeah, overall, it's not rational to do something not fun which was supposed to be fun.
Hi Cosmo
No, masking is not all bad, yes, everyone does it to a certain extent.
Realising that you don't need to do things that are "the norm" really is liberating. I don't have a driving licence either, and don't want one.
Why do you feel you need to make connections? It probably would be good for you, as most humans benefit from contact with others, but I don't think it would help you to make connections just for a career - those type of relationships are hollow and difficult to maintain. The best reason to try to make connections is because you feel lonely and you want to share interests and experiences with others, and hopefully learn from them.
I wouldn't bother entering a competition I wasn't interested in. I'm not sure why you think it's the rational thing to do, but it's not rational if you will get bored and tired.
Look for clubs or groups to join that do something you are interested in - that way you can start conversations more naturally with others about your interests, which could lead to friendships.
The only things anyone "needs" to do are to get a job or claim benefits if they live independently (without support from family) to provide shelter, warmth and food. It's also best not to break any laws and to be polite to other people. Everything else is optional.