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Need advice on how to find a balance in masking.

Cosmo
1 month ago

So, masking is not all bad, right? That is my opinion atleast. I think everybody masks, just some more than others, and I think masking is necessary sometimes.

Or maybe I have some definition of masking that's different.

Anyway, one thing I learnt when unmasking was that I didn't need to do things that are the norm, whether it was something others were telling me or I was telling myself, for example, I don't have to force myself to get my driving license, or that I don't have to follow the same schedule as others.

But I'm struggling to know when to do things I do not want but might need.

Here are some things that are in my mind:

  • I'm uninterested, lazy and maybe also too disheartened to try to get to know people and make friends, but I feel this is not good for me and I need to make connections, both for me and my future career.
  • There's gonna be this competition in my college, it's nothing big at all. I feel like the rational thing to do is to enter it, but it's not really interesting to me and it will also mean I'll have to go to college for one day more that week and it might get me really fatigued (I tend to get tired easily and I'm kinda scared of tiredness), it also means another project added to my schedule. How can I know what to do here?

I hope I've explained it clearly. Thanks for reading! 

Parents
  • 1 month ago
    Cosmo said:
    I'm uninterested, lazy and maybe also too disheartened to try to get to know people and make friends, but I feel this is not good for me and I need to make connections, both for me and my future career.

    I would save the masking for networking events and situations that will actively help you so you control the overhead for yourself.

    The friends part is less important if you are not feeling the need for them, but the career stuff is worth the pain to work with.

    Cosmo said:
    I feel like the rational thing to do is to enter it, but it's not really interesting to me

    If you don't want to do it then don't. If it is a career developing move and you still aren't interested in it then the chances are your career choice is a poor one.

    As autists we have special interests that allow us to focus on them in ways neurotypicals can only dream of, so my advice is to find a career that you are really interested in and work towards that. It makes all the meetings and work hours so much more tolerable when you love your work.

Reply
  • 1 month ago
    Cosmo said:
    I'm uninterested, lazy and maybe also too disheartened to try to get to know people and make friends, but I feel this is not good for me and I need to make connections, both for me and my future career.

    I would save the masking for networking events and situations that will actively help you so you control the overhead for yourself.

    The friends part is less important if you are not feeling the need for them, but the career stuff is worth the pain to work with.

    Cosmo said:
    I feel like the rational thing to do is to enter it, but it's not really interesting to me

    If you don't want to do it then don't. If it is a career developing move and you still aren't interested in it then the chances are your career choice is a poor one.

    As autists we have special interests that allow us to focus on them in ways neurotypicals can only dream of, so my advice is to find a career that you are really interested in and work towards that. It makes all the meetings and work hours so much more tolerable when you love your work.

Children
  • 1 month ago in reply to Iain

    Very good points, thank you! I do fortunately enjoy what I'm studying just not the thing that's in the competition. 

    Iain said:

    I would save the masking for networking events and situations that will actively help you so you control the overhead for yourself.

    The friends part is less important if you are not feeling the need for them, but the career stuff is worth the pain to work with.

    This is very helpful!