Published on 12, July, 2020
Where do I start? Soon to be 67. . Recently diagnosed ADHD and Autism. NT partner 74. Been together 30+ years. Thought all our problems might get resolved with diagnosis.
Not so. Partner feels hopeless. Alone. Isolated. She can't see me ever changing. Before diagnosis she had hope that I could. She feels her life with me has been wasted. She hones in on my every 'mistake' and blames Autism. "You're the autistic one" is being said more and more.
What is so sad is that she is a truly good person becoming sad, scared and bitter.
Everyone is still young at heart despite their age. I think that couples therapy might possibly help unravel some of the mixed emotions. I would like elderly couples to live in peace and harmony with each other for the duration of their lifetime, and not spend them with so many negative emotions.
She wants you to make all these changes, she wants to fix or cure you, stop you from making all these mistakes, and blames your diagnosis, stating that your 30+ relationship was a waste of time. Sure, she could be a good person in the eyes of the world, but it doesn't sound like she's being a good partner, a good supporter, nor a good friend to you. She feels alone, isolated, and hopeless, but what about you? You're the one with the diagnosis. And this isn't even a fatal illness! It's just a different way of neurologically processing information. It's just that you have to figure out methods of doing things that work for you, and set up systems in your life that would work to your advantage.
But I am amazed that you have been with an NT partner for 30+ years. That would be hard for me to do, since there would be so many expectations that I wouldn't be able to fulfill. But I am with an ND partner, and we work well together most of the time.
I hope your partner will eventually accept you for who you are, and you two can work things out. I hope she chooses to connect with you, instead of living like she's alone in the world.
Hullabaloo said:But I am amazed that you have been with an NT partner for 30+ years. That would be hard for me to do, since there would be so many expectations that I wouldn't be able to fulfill. But I am with an ND partner, and we work well together most of the time.
Hi everyone
Im 49, undiagnosed and with my Nt partner of 27 years. It’s tough to say the least as we are on different levels. There’s a lack of understanding from my partner and even I would say an unwillingness to research anything much. I understand this doesn’t come naturally to the Nt population to necessarily want to explore but we recently discovered our youngest son is autistic. I’m very confused about it all at the minute as it seems my son is accepted but I’m not. My new obsession is Neurodiversity so spend most my time on here or researching or listening to audible books. I hope one day to be able to talk comfortably with my partner about my differences just like I can on here. I do wish you good luck John and hope it all works out for you and your partner.
Thank you. True love travels on a gravel road. Best wishes to you and yours too.
What a fantastic explanation in mechanical terms. So true though