Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve never known how to take a compliment. Whenever anyone says anything nice about me, no matter how minor, I just stare blankly, lost for words. I have no clue what to say. This happens even if it’s written in an email or on a forum like this.
Just a feature of my personality or something that is common for autistic people?
A few years ago I read these self help books and found them really helpful
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Assertiveness
There's a module here about accepting compliments!
I appreciate that resource - I did not know about before.
My natural stance would generally be a bit of a "miss" when presented with a compliment (maybe "freeze in silence on receipt of compliment" should be part of Autism assessment criteria?).
That said, I have tried to adopt and deploy a technique honed through experince from working with teams from a variety of different cultures (particularly, if perhaps there are slightly different cross-community gender role norms which we are navigating too).
In such situations, on receipt of a compliment, I have learned that I am able to use: a small smile with a very formal nod (eye contact optional, and no speech required) - and then most people either giving the compliment or others observing the interaction from further away do seem satisfied that the appropriate transaction is complete. (Face-saving maintained all around, minimal embarrassment for all concerned, plus courtesy or rapport established / extended - I am happy to call that a "win" for everyone).