Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I’ve just had a catch up with my boss, and she said that she notices often when I have conversations with her and others, when I relay the conversation back either verbally or in an email, it’s not accurate of what was said in the conversation. I haven’t told my work I have autism, however I feel especially at work when I talk to someone, I’m trying so hard to think of what to say next or I’m just trying to nod in the right places etc that I don’t fully understand what someone is saying. I’ve agreed to take notes during every conversation to help with this, but does anyone else have the same issue and if so, is there anything you have used that has helped you? Many thanks, Ellie
Hi Ellie, I struggle with this too. I think it's a common autism thing. I would suggest you tell your work that you are autistic so that they can support you better. Maybe, if they know you're autistic, you might not need to mask as much and then you'll have more energy to concentrate on what they are saying.
Try the note taking suggestion, you might find it helps. I take notes in meetings and I find it helps me to understand better but it is also mentally draining and my team support me by taking regular breaks, checking that I've noted down anything really important and letting me double check my understanding if I've "drifted off" a bit (not that I fall asleep, I dissociate a lot).
Other things that I find helpful are:
Having conversations in a quiet space with less distractions.
Asking people to speak one at a time so that I can follow more easily.
Sorry that's not much help, I haven't worked it out myself yet so I'll be watching your post to see if anyone has any other ideas.
It's a common ASD/ADHD trait. Probably you have ADHD too, it's a common comorbidity. Nothing to be worried about.
If you are still on probation, do not tell your boss that you have ASD. Please, do not, otherwise you will not pass probation.
You could disclose your diagnosis and ask for some workplace adjustment (equality act 2010), but it can be risky. Are you working in UK?
I definitely resonate with this, and became ultra aware of it when I started studying counseling psychology. Interestingly, covering things like active listening and leaving space for silence has helped me deal with it better. I now let other people talk and clarify what they are saying, rather than trying to find a response. I don't know if that will help, but it might be worth investigating.