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Autistic traits in 72 year old dad

Billbo

Hi! I was diagnosed autistic as a 32 year old last year, and during my "journey of realisation" I've noticed that my 72 year old dad exhibits most of the same traits as I do. These include stimming, hyper awareness of noise and texture, niche interests, not being great at following conversation flow etc. He's never had an autism diagnosis. I suspect the reason I wasn't sent for one as a child was he just thought my behavior was "normal"!

Just being aware of it has really helped my relationship with him as things I used to be irritated at I can now explain away as just his undiagnosed autism, but I was wondering if there would be any benefit to bringing my suspicions up with him? Would it help at all or is it just too late?

I'd love to hear from anyone who got a diagnoses at a later stage of life to hear more about their experiences. Also I'd welcome solidarity posts from anyone who's had the same experience. 

  • I am 54 and convinced my late dad had ASD, and other things. Somebody on here a couple of years ago posted stuff about their dad and it was 100% the same. Thing is when we were younger, and more the older you are, there wasn't any appreciation of ASD. We had no classroom assistiants and classes of 30, unless you were a total pain the teacher was not interested. I only wanted to keep my head down and blend in with the average kids at school and not stand out as diffrent. 

    To be honest at that age I would say a diagnosis could take 4 years on the NHS. How is he doing, is he coping ok with life? I was fine until I lost both parents within 2 years and suffered through lockdown, and the whole thing broke me. If he is doing ok I would say he can do the AQ50 test and the like and  investigate ASD online but going through the process of diagnosis migh not be worthwhile.

    Rob

  • I'm 62 and I got my autism diagnosis last year after my daughter brought my attention to lots of things that pointed to us both being autistic. We had lots of very gentle conversations and she shared a few YouTube and TicToc videos with me but she never pushed too hard. Learning that your whole life has been spent masking is very hard. Trying to figure out who you are when you're in your 60s is difficult.

    She was diagnosed first and I self diagnosed then realised I needed that "bit of paper" as I was struggling with imposter syndrome. I would probably be oblivious to my neurodivergent brain if she hadn't started the conversation with me. Once I started researching and learned more it was such a relief to realise that I'm not a broken, useless person and there's a good reason why I struggle with some things. 

    I am still trying to come to terms with the diagnosis - I'm mourning what might have been if I'd known much earlier (although I know that in reality in the 1960s and 1970s I would never have been identified)  I'm happy to know I'm autistic as my life makes so much more sense now. 

    My daughter was able to start the conversation with me because she was pursuing her own autism diagnosis and as she talked about various traits I was stunned to learn that most people don't experience life in the same way as she and I do. For me it was a very gentle realisation. I don't know if everyone is as open to learning they're autistic so I would say be very gentle if you do broach the subject with your dad. 

  • I was a little older than you when I got my diagnosis. However, that was never a big topic in the conversations with my parents. My father was also definitely on the spectrum and I think he was aware of it, but it was probably no longer an issue for him. In addition, it would have been difficult for him to even get a diagnosis because there were no suitable specialists in the area. Otherwise, my own diagnosis helped me to understand myself and my father better. Two other people in my family now also have one. However, there are some in my circle of friends and acquaintances who only received a diagnosis when they were in their 50s or 60s and for whom it was very important.

  • Hi, I’m 68 and was diagnosed with ASD last year. I requested assessment to enable me to access medical services. I could not contemplate any treatment that might involve hospital admittance since my ability to control my fight or flight response has decreased with age and energy level. I now feel that I could ask for patience and compassion from medical staff.

    I had no idea that I might be autistic until a couple of years ago. My life has not changed  - it’s just as wonderful as ever. However I no longer expect other people to understand me or my feelings (neurotypical people just can’t) and I do not feel the need to apologise for being myself so much.

    Enjoy your relationship with your Dad