I hate my life, being autistic and so broken that the NHS won't touch me

I can empathize completely. At 40 I haven't had a friend in 7 years, my own brother won't speak to me because I verbally attacked our now dead drunken father for leaving us at 13. I understand but don't take my advice if others say it's incorrect as I have only accepted my autism in the last 6 months however I would say to a younger person, don't try to get them to understand. It's probably a 1 in 9  chance based on my life experience using 3x the energy for each person that you'll ever break through to them and if you don't, you waste the energy you could use on your gifts from seeing the world differently than 90% of humanity.

My advice to my younger self thus to anyone else would be, focus your energy on your passions, ignore what others say to you as they cannot begin to comprehend your level of endurance and strength going against the NT current.

Use your passion to elevate yourself, the more you fulfill the things you love, the greater the strength you'll have to endure them.

NAS80873 said:

people that are being loved and with good lives are being killed or die in accidents and I am just wasting space and air. 

What you said here is a testament to your philosophical AND emotional intellect. I'll tell you a story that illustrates how much I relate and understand your statement.

I had a psychologist since 13 when my father left. He saw me for free at 19 when I lost my insurance. At 28 I had clinically died from 1 self-deletion attempt. At the same time I am telling my psychologist who is a friend by this time, almost a father figure, (his son (28) died of lung cancer) , that I want to be gone from this life because I cannot fit in and nobody seems to understand or more importantly listen to what I have to say, like speaking a language no one around me understand.

Your words reminded me of how I thought about it. Here I am, wishing I could die in any way possible, his son had everything going for him and was taken. I asked the same exact question you did.  Those who are loved and have good lives always die by tragedy and my miserable ass will probably have to live to 80.

You are NOT wasting space and air however my friend. You are just now figuring out what's going on and that while NTs have 0 chains attached to them, you have roughly 9, the number of them to you thus you must over extend yourself to get them to listen which is why I would say to my younger self, don't try so hard for them, but use that effort your capable of to try 3x for you.

The two best pieces of advice I can give based off my own experience are 1) Put yourself first, it's unlikely anyone else will in this kind of world and 2) The ND community are your friends and family as I have come to realize, what takes 3x the time and energy to explain to anyone in my life, takes no effort with them. I hope you stick around. I think we have similar stories but you're younger and still have a good chance at life.

I can empathize completely. At 40 I haven't had a friend in 7 years, my own brother won't speak to me because I verbally attacked our now dead drunken father for leaving us at 13. I understand but don't take my advice if others say it's incorrect as I have only accepted my autism in the last 6 months however I would say to a younger person, don't try to get them to understand. It's probably a 1 in 9  chance based on my life experience using 3x the energy for each person that you'll ever break through to them and if you don't, you waste the energy you could use on your gifts from seeing the world differently than 90% of humanity.

My advice to my younger self thus to anyone else would be, focus your energy on your passions, ignore what others say to you as they cannot begin to comprehend your level of endurance and strength going against the NT current.

Use your passion to elevate yourself, the more you fulfill the things you love, the greater the strength you'll have to endure them.

NAS80873 said:

people that are being loved and with good lives are being killed or die in accidents and I am just wasting space and air. 

What you said here is a testament to your philosophical AND emotional intellect. I'll tell you a story that illustrates how much I relate and understand your statement.

I had a psychologist since 13 when my father left. He saw me for free at 19 when I lost my insurance. At 28 I had clinically died from 1 self-deletion attempt. At the same time I am telling my psychologist who is a friend by this time, almost a father figure, (his son (28) died of lung cancer) , that I want to be gone from this life because I cannot fit in and nobody seems to understand or more importantly listen to what I have to say, like speaking a language no one around me understand.

Your words reminded me of how I thought about it. Here I am, wishing I could die in any way possible, his son had everything going for him and was taken. I asked the same exact question you did.  Those who are loved and have good lives always die by tragedy and my miserable ass will probably have to live to 80.

You are NOT wasting space and air however my friend. You are just now figuring out what's going on and that while NTs have 0 chains attached to them, you have roughly 9, the number of them to you thus you must over extend yourself to get them to listen which is why I would say to my younger self, don't try so hard for them, but use that effort your capable of to try 3x for you.

The two best pieces of advice I can give based off my own experience are 1) Put yourself first, it's unlikely anyone else will in this kind of world and 2) The ND community are your friends and family as I have come to realize, what takes 3x the time and energy to explain to anyone in my life, takes no effort with them. I hope you stick around. I think we have similar stories but you're younger and still have a good chance at life.