catch 22

through councelling ive learnt to have self belief and trust myself and ive become the most self assured emotionally self aware person i know , aside from my councellor

it feels like im the only adult in a world full of children and they all have control over my life (my boss at work, my mum at home)

i dont earn enough to be able to live somewhere that i will feel safe and comfortable (cheap accomodation means living around DSS people who typically arent the best sorts of people for me to be around)

if im sad my mum seems to take it as a personal affront and becomes angry with me, which allows her boyfriend to express more of his disdain for my presence in the house

i spend most of my time either sitting in my work vehicle or at work working for free because i have nothing else to do and i feel like i have to do the free hours because im effectively abusing the work vehicle by using it out of hours

im clean of drugs and alcohol but with sobriety comes the realisation of how difficult my situation is, im trying to stay out of my head because i feel like hopelessness and loneliness and a feeling that im never listened to only has one obvious economical solution and i dont want to start thinking that way

i keep my body as healthy as i can , constant exercise, healthy eating, minimal caffeine and nicotine, im raising loads of tomato plants and bonsai trees at the moment, this is helping

i dont think im really asking for advice , just venting. my situation feels complicated, my councillor can offer no solutions but shes so important to me because shes the only person who i feel believes in me

it doesnt seem that the more intelligent you are the more happy you are, especially when less intelligent people seem to refuse to ever aknowledge my ideas

just saying hi, im typically more fun than this but ive not been sleeping because the second i open my door the cat rushes in and wakes me up intermittently

making the most of the few hours before my mums OH wakes up and the hostile atmosphere begins, getting washing done, preparing some food and thermos's for the day

i prefer the terms awesometism and awesometastic haha ;) - usually more light hearted than this lol . will probably get involved in some cheerier threads

ive only recently discovered or become aware or begun to believe that i have awesometism. would like to meet others like myself , thinking about maybe joining a support group locally or something.