Published on 12, July, 2020
I have a special interest which consumed my life when I was a child but I managed to refocus my priorities when I was about sixteen. I finally started to commit less time to it/ spent less time talking about it and my social life improved dramatically.
Six months ago (ten years later after this change), I fell back into the all-consuming fantasy world of my special interest and the obsession is worse than it's ever been. I spend every waking moment thinking about it/reading about it/engaging with content on it.
I think part of the reason I stopped in the first place is I had become embarrassed by my special interest. My boyfriend at the time made jokes about it and I learnt to suppress it to impress people and fit in.
Last year, I became single for the first time in 7 years and it's all come flooding back.
The problem is, I can see my family getting worried. I don't go out, I don't see my friends, I don't talk about anything other than my special interest. Personally, I'm having a great time. I haven't fel this free and happy in years. But I can see by the reactions of the people around me that this isn't normal and I'm worrying them.
I'm not sure if it's symptomatic of a decline in my mental health, or if I'm actually just embracing a part of myself I tried to ignore for too long and it's coming in a huge wave cause I've put it off for so long.
I know I want to manage it so I can stop people from worrying, but I don't want to give it up again because it makes me happy- in fact, it's the only thing that makes me happy at the moment. My life is empty without it. I genuinely don't know what I was doing for ten years not paying it the right attention.
Can anyone relate to this? Or does anyone have any guidance?
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but think of a positive thing I've noticed in what you're saying - you have actually noticed this in yourself and are reflecting on it, that sounds like a good sign to me. You also mention having friends and family who care about you. If you've recently left a relationship then it does sound like there is a gap to fill in your life, and enjoying what you want to enjoy is absolutely fine - I'm a parent and for a period of years I put off playing video games completely (what I enjoy doing), but then life just got dull and focused on what other people needed from me.
On the other hand, if the balance swings too far in the wrong direction then perhaps it could be an issue, one which you've started noticing. It doesn't mean you have to pick one or the other, instead see if you can balance things out more. Someone suggested setting yourself reminders, that sounds like a good idea to me, maybe try planning your day so that it contains a bit of everything - the boring chores you have to do, seeing the important people in your life, and also doing what interests you. If you set some time limits on things it might help you switch focus better.