Published on 12, July, 2020
I have a special interest which consumed my life when I was a child but I managed to refocus my priorities when I was about sixteen. I finally started to commit less time to it/ spent less time talking about it and my social life improved dramatically.
Six months ago (ten years later after this change), I fell back into the all-consuming fantasy world of my special interest and the obsession is worse than it's ever been. I spend every waking moment thinking about it/reading about it/engaging with content on it.
I think part of the reason I stopped in the first place is I had become embarrassed by my special interest. My boyfriend at the time made jokes about it and I learnt to suppress it to impress people and fit in.
Last year, I became single for the first time in 7 years and it's all come flooding back.
The problem is, I can see my family getting worried. I don't go out, I don't see my friends, I don't talk about anything other than my special interest. Personally, I'm having a great time. I haven't fel this free and happy in years. But I can see by the reactions of the people around me that this isn't normal and I'm worrying them.
I'm not sure if it's symptomatic of a decline in my mental health, or if I'm actually just embracing a part of myself I tried to ignore for too long and it's coming in a huge wave cause I've put it off for so long.
I know I want to manage it so I can stop people from worrying, but I don't want to give it up again because it makes me happy- in fact, it's the only thing that makes me happy at the moment. My life is empty without it. I genuinely don't know what I was doing for ten years not paying it the right attention.
Can anyone relate to this? Or does anyone have any guidance?
Definitely relate and when it happened to me it was me embracing myself. I got obsessed with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was figuring s**t out about autism, it was kind of childish for my age but it felt good to do the childish thing and defy the voices in my head and that was the start of unmasking, cause I had a mask internally and in front of myself too...I felt so much joy and all senses were getting stronger, like something around me was making things dull before.
My hyperfocus stayed around a while but the intensity decreased eventually, so I guess just let it happen and give into your wants, and if you forget to take care of yourself, maybe setting reminders would work? I didn't have that difficulty cause I was living with my parents and I had college too so there were things that would remind me anyway, but if you don't have that yet, maybe tell someone to remind you too?