Road crossing /holding hand

Peoeple used to tell me that I was too lax with my child and should act "like a parent and not a friend". 

And it was quite true up unless this sort of incident arose, in which I would suddenly become very fecking Authoritarian indeed. And with me "Authoritairan" is different from getting angry or annoyed.

In fact delivery of my brand of Authoritarian-ism was often humourous, when I could manage that, but it was an absolute determination that I would prevent my (ADD) child from endangering herself. 

I made "discipline" rare but mandatory, and ALWAYS was willing to furnish an honest explanation for it's neccessity, (none of this "because I told you so" crap, that never washed with me) either up front, or if compliance was a matter of urgency, then afterwards. 

Naturally her first Roman Catholic primary school didn't thank me very much, partly 'cos of the ADD but mainly because she'd request further information if she felt she was being "railroaded" into something... We had her out of that one inside of two weeks..

Other parents and teachers consistently told me how wrong my approach was and that I was "spoiling" her. She's all grown up now, sucessfull in life, has a lot of good quality friends and functions WAY better than I ever did as an adult... 

I also did my damndest to make sure I delivered on any promise I made,and did not let her down even if it became hard to deliever.

Ooo this is a hard one ! My little one is 4 and doing the following helped loads.  But obviously he's 4 I'd never let him approach a busy road alone. I'd say with time and perseverance it's worked to like 90%. If he's over excited he still does leg it but it has improved so much. 

I'd take him out to different streets in our area which have very little cars during the day and  cross the road over and over. I made the conscious effort to physically stop even if the road is clear, so he knows that is needed. ( he doesn't understand looking left and right for traffic. )

If he did happen to run out I make him go back to the path and do it again properly. Explaining difference between road and path and kerb at eye level. 

The word stop became meaningless and I now use the word wait with a hand sign too. 

Hand holding took a while too. I started with having to physically stop him with a bear hug type move, then moved that to a shoulder touch, to a he could hold my coat or shirt then to hand holding. The coat or clothing hold is a good one if you have full hands in general. 

I am not sure how old she is, but here are some things that may help.

Being autistic it can be hard to cope with demands, so can she have an option in the decision where to cross with a couple of suitable options?

Is she helping you with talking through whether there are any vehicles coming in either direction etc? I used to talk a lot about what we were doing and what was around us. If this is a possibility can you make it part of a story? Also if she does it well make a lot of the good practice.

Also it helps if any instructions are positive rather than do not. We can....rather than don't.

Also my son had a small rucksack with a strap connected, like reins but more interesting. I think it came from a baby shop that no longer exists. That worked for a while as less restricting than a hand being held. 

I also found doing things with puppets worked to get across messages as less direct if that is something you could do.

I hope you find something that works.