Severe Burnout, Newly Self-Diagnosed, FIRST time talking, extremely ANGRY at the FAILURE of the medical community, All suggestions much appreciated.

Ultimately, we end up in environments which aren't healthy, or sustainable. A lot of us had Corporate Jobs, then ended up with an axe to grind.

The Left turn to Ideology, while the Right turn to Philosophy. Though, ultimately, we need to look at the Spirit. Those led by God aren't supposed to fit in nicely. It's a trial, with tears and tantrums. But, ultimately, we get to know who we really are.

This is to all of you because I'm trying to get help. Thank you all.

I don't know what to do. The more I learn about adult Autism, mostly through Youtube, the more memories keep coming back from my Autistic teenage self that was buried around 18-20 and severe suicide attempts followed resulting in two clinical deaths.

My issue right now is, I cut off all friends and family outright used and betrayed me. My family is very messed up on both sides. So I am lost. I am absolutely exhausted. 20 years of masking with a high IQ, I burned the candle at both ends and there is no wax left to stop the fired from combining then extinguishing.

I hope to hear from you guys again. I appreciate that you took time to help me. I feel so drained and so lost...

mushroom therapy in Amsterdam is legal - and - I can tell you have the heart of a poet.-  Invest in some paper and pen!

The world at large is neutral. it is up to you to bring positivity to your life and the world will shift to match it.

No one is to blame.

All the future is yours if you can turn to face it. One cannot blame the past for one's future! 

You May enjoy the works of Jack Spicer.

Hi again Kefka, thank you for your kind words. I originally came to this forum 7 or 8 years ago when I realised I was neurodiverse. I pop back from time to time to see how people are doing, pick up new information, and try to support others.

It may interest you to know that although I'm in my 20s in my head, chronologically I'm actually in my sixties. I think for me it's easier now to be comfortable with who I am, as I've had several years to adjust and learn and I don't care any more whether people like me or not - if they do, great, if not, I probably wouldn't enjoy being with them anyway. I no longer have toxic family relationships as I no longer see the remaining members of my family - I can just enjoy being with my partner. And in the last few years I've finally made a few friends (people I work with who are compassionate and caring) I still struggle sometimes and can get a bit depressed, but that's part of the human condition. 

I've just finished reading the Middle Falls time travel series by Shawn Inmon, and in his books one of the characters says "we're not always born into our true family". Some of us spend years looking for our "true" family. I think I've been lucky.

I'll PM you when I figure that out. I'm very happy you've found yourself and that which fills your sails! And thank you for your kind words. I will cherish those as well. Let's continue in PM.

It hasn't changed and honestly AuTriker, I had good professors. One, a former psychiatrist who taught us everything from BPD to BiPD never once mentioned Autism.

I honestly didn't even think about this, not in my masking from 18-40 or in class. TBH - I - never even thought of Autism when I was in the classes and I'm Autistic. I had to diagnose myself then go to my psychiatrist of 6 years and psychologist who knew me since I was 13(40) at 37 and confront them with this to which I was told "I suspected you are BUT there is no "cure".

The fact that they view us like a disease means we have to change this system. We invent, they provide. Neither we or they can exist without the other yet we are viewed as a "disorder."

Both types are needed and neither are a disorder in and of themselves.

You clearly have understood yourself longer than I have, hence your experience far outmatches mine. I am fluent in psychology but NOT in experience as you were one of the two first people to respond to me when I was literally breaking down and probably sounded nutty a month ago.

I have been working hard to accept who I am and now I am seeing a therapist on April 18th who understands Autism so I am excited to finally start getting validation and understanding of who I am after what I can only describe as a living hell that continues to this day with family.

I don't have the energy to read more books right now(I know YOU understand this) I am still technically in full survival mode trying to bring the dead 16 year old me back and it's quite jarring to deal with in the midst of a 67 year old mother who acts like a child, a brother that abandoned his family and a alcoholic abuse drunk father who abandoned his two children 16 years ago but both of us came back to help him while he was dying of cancer last year.

I honestly don't where to begin because I still feel like I'm running in circles. This place and you have been the first that I've ever felt sane in. Everything in my like was hurting myself not to hurt others while masking to be like them.

I do hope I can recover enough to begin reading books again, specifically on Autism as you pointed out correctly, even to this day, nothing about Autism is taught in psychology class.

What I find truly disturbing is that in psychology the Holocaust is discussed. Now think about this Autriker. 6 million Jewish people died, 5 million Autistic, Gay, Gypsy and other unfortunate souls.

The world population is nearly 8 billion. By psychiatric standards (which I find dubious at best) between 3-7% of the population is Autistic. That means there is roughly 30 million more people than were in concentration camps that are Autistic and dying at the ripe young age of 58 with the #1 cause being suicide and as you rightly pointed out, it's not only NOT taught, it's not even acknowledged and it's part of every ethnicity, religion and gender on this planet.

A 2022 study by the  Australian government showed that the average lifespan of Autistic people is 58 vs 83 for the average neurotypical in the Western world. They stated that life for Autistic people is subhuman and discovered the #1 cause of death is suicide.

As someone who has died more times than I can truly remember, I know this to be true and it makes me so sad because Autistic people were some of my closest friends before I fell into despair masking as an NT and gave up on humanity.

Now I want to fight for myself and all of us, I just don't know where to begin.

I'm a brain, a drained brain, but a brain. I don't have the energy right now as I try to reorient myself and recalculate my bearings yet I want to fight.

I just want to say personally, it was very nice of you to have responded so kindly to me along with Desmond and I Sperg. You 3 are the reason I felt like I found a home and why I stayed here.

I have knowledge and understanding but lack experience in who I am and what to do.

I know we can have good conversations and while I understand psychology, I admit I still do not fully understand myself or Autism.

I hope you continue to offer me advice but I know you only have X amount of energy so if it's needed for even newer people, I'll find a way and I have already made multiple friends here in this very thread(Uhane, PixieFox.)

You come off as one of the leaders of this community and that's a valuable role so I don't want to take that energy from you however if you have extra at any time, I think I would benefit from your wisdom. Thanks my friend.

It hasn't changed and honestly AuTriker, I had good professors. One, a former psychiatrist who taught us everything from BPD to BiPD never once mentioned Autism.

I honestly didn't even think about this, not in my masking from 18-40 or in class. TBH - I - never even thought of Autism when I was in the classes and I'm Autistic. I had to diagnose myself then go to my psychiatrist of 6 years and psychologist who knew me since I was 13(40) at 37 and confront them with this to which I was told "I suspected you are BUT there is no "cure".

The fact that they view us like a disease means we have to change this system. We invent, they provide. Neither we or they can exist without the other yet we are viewed as a "disorder."

Both types are needed and neither are a disorder in and of themselves.

You clearly have understood yourself longer than I have, hence your experience far outmatches mine. I am fluent in psychology but NOT in experience as you were one of the two first people to respond to me when I was literally breaking down and probably sounded nutty a month ago.

I have been working hard to accept who I am and now I am seeing a therapist on April 18th who understands Autism so I am excited to finally start getting validation and understanding of who I am after what I can only describe as a living hell that continues to this day with family.

I don't have the energy to read more books right now(I know YOU understand this) I am still technically in full survival mode trying to bring the dead 16 year old me back and it's quite jarring to deal with in the midst of a 67 year old mother who acts like a child, a brother that abandoned his family and a alcoholic abuse drunk father who abandoned his two children 16 years ago but both of us came back to help him while he was dying of cancer last year.

I honestly don't where to begin because I still feel like I'm running in circles. This place and you have been the first that I've ever felt sane in. Everything in my like was hurting myself not to hurt others while masking to be like them.

I do hope I can recover enough to begin reading books again, specifically on Autism as you pointed out correctly, even to this day, nothing about Autism is taught in psychology class.

What I find truly disturbing is that in psychology the Holocaust is discussed. Now think about this Autriker. 6 million Jewish people died, 5 million Autistic, Gay, Gypsy and other unfortunate souls.

The world population is nearly 8 billion. By psychiatric standards (which I find dubious at best) between 3-7% of the population is Autistic. That means there is roughly 30 million more people than were in concentration camps that are Autistic and dying at the ripe young age of 58 with the #1 cause being suicide and as you rightly pointed out, it's not only NOT taught, it's not even acknowledged and it's part of every ethnicity, religion and gender on this planet.

A 2022 study by the  Australian government showed that the average lifespan of Autistic people is 58 vs 83 for the average neurotypical in the Western world. They stated that life for Autistic people is subhuman and discovered the #1 cause of death is suicide.

As someone who has died more times than I can truly remember, I know this to be true and it makes me so sad because Autistic people were some of my closest friends before I fell into despair masking as an NT and gave up on humanity.

Now I want to fight for myself and all of us, I just don't know where to begin.

I'm a brain, a drained brain, but a brain. I don't have the energy right now as I try to reorient myself and recalculate my bearings yet I want to fight.

I just want to say personally, it was very nice of you to have responded so kindly to me along with Desmond and I Sperg. You 3 are the reason I felt like I found a home and why I stayed here.

I have knowledge and understanding but lack experience in who I am and what to do.

I know we can have good conversations and while I understand psychology, I admit I still do not fully understand myself or Autism.

I hope you continue to offer me advice but I know you only have X amount of energy so if it's needed for even newer people, I'll find a way and I have already made multiple friends here in this very thread(Uhane, PixieFox.)

You come off as one of the leaders of this community and that's a valuable role so I don't want to take that energy from you however if you have extra at any time, I think I would benefit from your wisdom. Thanks my friend.