Published on 12, July, 2020
Are things better? Yes. I've lost weight, I got a stylish haircut, I comb my hair every day, have baths more regularly and use deodorant every day, have more new clothes, I shaved off an unkempt beard, I eat more freshly prepared meals, relations are less strained with my parents, I'm less depressed than I was, I have more energy to do things and enjoy hobbies I'd stopped enjoying like reading, watching TV and doing research.
However, I'm lonely. I know alcohol isn't the answer. I will no longer make excuses about how alcohol can fix things, it will not. I've joined a new National Autistic Society social group where I live and will keep going, hoping for the best. I've only been once and only two other Autistic people attended, there were two people running it as well (it's possible they were Autistic too, for all I know).
On the bright side, three women in local supermarkets I shop at have complimented me on my appearance, one of them said I looked like I've had a makeover, another said I am looking really good and she could hardly believe I was the same person. There's also a man I know who had chatted to me a few times when I was a drunk and he saw the new me and was taken aback and asked me if he could have a selfie with me.
I still have severe anxiety and struggle to demonstrate empathy for others. I'm still finding it hard to make conversation with people and it is often stilted and terse.
Two positive things, the next time I go to the GP, they can not dismiss any of my problems based on alcoholism as that will no longer be relevant, and social services had told me if I got sober they would be looking into giving me one-to-one support so that could be in the pipeline, I asked my social worker at the last meeting and he said I need to be sober for a bit longer first.
Well done! How did you manage to stop? How long have you been off for?
My social worker has been explaining to me how other people perceive me when I'm drunk and explained why people were upset by things I did in the past while drunk, and also explained to me general expectations people have around how people interact. And at the same time I've been going to see an addiction counselor and he's explained to me how all heavy drinkers are more or less the same, people make excuses, they drink because they're happy to enhance that, because they're sad to escape it, because it's raining outside, because someone's annoying them, it becomes the apparent answer to everything when really it's an addiction. I've only been sober a few days but due to how depressed and bored of everything I had become I'm determined this time to stick to sobriety. With the counselor's advice I started reducing the daily amount I had and measuring it. I went from one and a half litres of rum a day down to 1 litre, then started buying the small hand-sized bottles, one of them a day, then half of one of them a day, then a third, and then I started having dry days and now I've stopped completely.
That’s great. You’re doing a good job. It’s not easy when you find alcohol addictive. It’s that dopamine hit you get when drinking that’s hard to kick. I think with all the help you’re getting you’ll be fine though. They can give you medication to help your cravings. I tried to get out on it at one point but they told me I didn’t have a problem with alcohol and discharged me lol. It’s not easy though. Best of luck.