Published on 12, July, 2020
Our son doesn’t seem to have a sense of urgency, unless it relates to something he is wanting to do. Each evening, at bedtime he will go to the loo and brush his teeth, but almost every night, he will be in there for an hour or more, even with constant reminders to hurry (only 1 bathroom for 3 or 4 people). Do other people find this is true with their autistic children? It causes a lot of upset in the family and impacts the relationships between son and parents. This can also occur just as a meal is being served (disappears to bathroom), or when we have an appointment… If someone else is desperate for the bathroom, it can still take 20 mins of chasing… Please help! Thank you
I have a habit of 'zoning out' while I get ready for bed especially if I'm tired and relaxed. That might be why. He probably won't like it but you could ask him to keep the door open while he cleans his teeth? Also check that he isn't doing something there though. (e.g. skin picking, excessive handwashing, excessive teeth brushing etc.)
This sounds familiar, similar situation, although not quite so long.
In relation to mealtimes, we try to give a warning in the hope he goes before meal is ready. If not he's not bothered if it cools a little.
Reasons for long while in the bathroom can be stressed in respect of what is happening next. He finds a long time in shower relaxing and his hair has to look just right.
Our son struggles with passage of time and changing activity and can get involved in something and lose track of time.
We often have to check before going into bathroom as he can have sudden urgencies.
Have you tried discussing and coming to some sort of agreement regarding the time he goes? Our lives are quite structured which can feel pressurised but at least we have an idea mostly as to when we can use the facilities.
I have long used the toilet as a safe space to hide, and my younger brother it sounds like has a very similar pattern (before bed, before meals, after meals).
This could definitely be trying to recharge or prep for a social interaction.
Do you know what he's doing? Is he constipated? Gastrointestinal issues are very common in autistic people.
Is he just enjoying the quiet? If sharing the bathroom is an issue, are there other spaces in the house that could be used to manage an alone time need? Does he share a bedroom for example, so that isn't a suitably people free space?
I feel like we're missing some information. Mostly on what is happening in those long bathroom periods.
My husband doesn’t always seem to realise he needs the toilet until we’re about to go somewhere then is in there for 10-20 minutes. As others are said it could be a safe space for him or he may also have issues with organisation if he is having to do a few different tasks to get ready for bed he might be having trouble remembering what to do or switch between the different things. My daughter does well with a task list written on a whiteboard. The other thing as someone else mentioned is looking into whether you can put in a downstairs toilet, or separate the toilet from the rest of the bathroom. one toilet even with two people in the house isn’t enough sometimes!
I would do the same, it's kind of a "safe space" - the only room in the house with a lock on the door where you can't be disturbed.
I would be in the shower for an hour every night, under the hottest water I could stand. It still is my favourite time of the day... decompression.
Sorry I don't have an answer ...fit another toilet??