Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m sure nobody likes conflict but I feel that as an autistic person it’s something I handle particularly badly. I get into a panicky state and I am quick to apologise, even over-apologise, whether I am in the wrong or not. I become overwhelmed with guilt and self-hate. The last conflict I led me to experiencing signs of (passive) suicide ideation as I felt so bad about myself. I won’t call out the other person’s behaviour as I just want to “fix” the situation as quickly as possible. Instead I roll over for them and allow them to walk all over me. I really hate that I’m like this, it makes me feel so weak and pathetic.
Thanks for all the replies so far. Honestly, it’s getting to the point where I’ve considered shutting myself in and not making any “unnecessary” interactions with other people, including online interactions, just to minimise the risk of being involved in any conflict.
I struggle with conflict as well. I struggle with interacting with others because of my autistic social awkwardness. It's never pleasant.
Conflict really throws me. Automatically my brain tries to figure out how it led to this and then how to resolve the problem, both of which I never actually work out.
It led to me shutting myself away, isolating from the world, just staying in my bedroom where I feel safe and happy.
I wouldn't recommend you shutting yourself in. I've done this and it's a lonely existence.
Shortly after coming out of my shell I met my now wife by a chance encounter.