Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m sure nobody likes conflict but I feel that as an autistic person it’s something I handle particularly badly. I get into a panicky state and I am quick to apologise, even over-apologise, whether I am in the wrong or not. I become overwhelmed with guilt and self-hate. The last conflict I led me to experiencing signs of (passive) suicide ideation as I felt so bad about myself. I won’t call out the other person’s behaviour as I just want to “fix” the situation as quickly as possible. Instead I roll over for them and allow them to walk all over me. I really hate that I’m like this, it makes me feel so weak and pathetic.
Hi and yes I struggle also especially if I don’t know the person very well. I more able to stick up for myself with family but there’s a lot of advantage taking before I reach that point. Having said that I have had some bad reactions to strangers that either get too close to me and keep nudging me and I’ve told them very loudly to get out my space. I find it really intrusive and makes me feel uncomfortable. I also from time to time get upset with people who are extremely rude and this includes queue jumping, I just have zero tolerance for bad manners in adults. I must add when I do react like this it makes me feel guilty and horrible afterwards and I hate myself for doing it. Other than that I am very patient and generally back away from debates and disagreement.