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Relationships

Erwin
7 months ago

Hello, 

I am always overthinking in relationships as recently, I broke up with my ex a while ago and we have reminded friends until recently, they have always known about my Autism & OCD tendencies and have been rather supportive of them & not bothered by them which is a good thing. But recently they told me how they felt and something didn't sit right with me, did they feel that way because I was autistic, I always truly felt that I was strange or something, always talking myself down. But then they told me some stuff and it brought it up all back up.

It's like I think, can I find someone who I could have a relationship with? Without showing my tendencies or anything like that. 

I would love to hear some feedback on how you cope in relationships, I have always struggled but I struggle with my emotions and explaining them. 

Parents
  • 7 months ago

    Hey Erwin firstly let me start by saying if you feel you need to 'hide' who you really are in a relationship then you need to sit and think about why that is first. A relationship where you are not truInformation desk person tone1ly yourself means that your never going be able to relax and it'll eventually make you going to burnout and for the other person it's going to eventually feel like a betrayal on their end when they find out because they got to know, and potentially fell in love with someone who wasn't actually who they thought they were but a disguise. I'm also wondering if you felt like you needed to hide and  felt strange around your ex because they didn't truly  like or want to accept Information desk person tone1who you actually are...that's not a relationship that's a status/ manipulation thing on their end! HUGE RED FLAG

    1. For me I found I've always ended up in  long term  relationships with other neurodivergents, although it hasn't been on purpose. I think we're just naturally drawn to each other.
    2. Like neurotpicals you need to find someone with a similar personality and similar likes. The old saying 'opposites attract' has actually been scientifically shown to be inaccurate when I comes to personality and traits. It is only true when it comes to immunity. With that being said you also need to give each other space to enjoy things without each other even if you have the same interest and hobbies.
    3. I've always been super picky. If during the dating phrase something just doesn't feel right, or I feel on edge like or masking or I feel it's a lot one sided I cut things off straight away even if they say that they would make effort I wouldn't give them a second chance. I tend to find we're more aware of patterns then others and we're gaslighted a lot into accepting things we shouldn't. So where people think it may be use just being anxious or brash actually no it's not we can just see what's coming but a lot of us stick around because we're told by other neurotpicals that we were acting irrational all because they couldn't see what we can see and then it ends up we were right anyway.
    4. Don't advocate for your needs in the relationship just do it anyway. If you feel that your partner may be confused or take offense to your behavior i.e if you need an isolation day. Explain in advance that this is your need and it is not a result of them. If they do not respect it at any point you need to consider is it because they don't understand ( and if so communicate more) or are they being disrespectful and selfish ( if so cut them off).
  • 7 months ago in reply to NAS91946

    Sorry about the emojis! My phone is being weird

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