Published on 12, July, 2020
I had my annual performance review at work this week. I had been concerned that I was under performing. I am in the maximum possible grade in a very complex and ridiculously highly paid job, but I’m only productive for a few hours per week and have felt vulnerable for a while now. But my boss told me that I am “exceptional” and that the executive leadership team have awarded me an exceptional pay rise as a result.
But I feel like I am barely functioning. I have no social network, no family. Today someone at work asked me why I was impersonating a T rex. I realised I was holding my arms and hands in a way I thought I only did when I’m alone.
I’m a complete mess but the people around me seem to think I’m thriving.
Life just seems like one big elaborate game. Nothing is real.
Am I the only person who feels like this?
thing is the highest positions are used to doing nothing, so if you do something you are already doing more than anyone from lowly supervisor ranks upwards. remember you are compared to others and others stop doing any work as soon as they hit supervisor lol or even one below that... and that is the lowest rung of promotion, that is like 1st or 2nd level promotion from the bare bottom minimum wage entry job... and thats when work cuts off and people do nothing and get paid... so if you do anything, you are doing more than anyone else in a high position. ofcourse the normal entry level minimum wage worker is busting their ass more than anyone in any company on the planet and never getting recognised for it. its pretty sad.
Caelus said:ofcourse the normal entry level minimum wage worker is busting their ass more than anyone in any company on the planet and never getting recognised for it. its pretty sad
I know I have certain unique skills that generate a lot of money for my employer and keep other people employed, but there is so much truth in this. I am not working hard. About 80% of the time I’m just staring into space and I do feel guilty about how my reward compares to people working really hard in low paid jobs.
But I did tell one coworker who was complaining to me about his salary (a very good salary by any normal measure), that he was rich beyond measure as far as I’m concerned, because he has a wife and children who he loves and a circle of friends and extended family around him.
All the money in the world doesn’t help much when you’re sat alone in a quiet house.
im curious as to what your unique skills are that have you this big position. so that i can check if its compatible with my skill set and ability and whether i could somehow try to leverage myself into higher positions in my job by demonstrating it lol
ahhh think that would be beyond my ability as coding is often complicated.
For the first half of my career I was a really really good software developer. I was fascinated by all things computer, easily picked up new skills and could easily hyper focus on my work making me very productive.
A consequence of this was that I kept being promoted to the point where I was too expensive to be allowed to just code so I became a solution architect then chief architect. In this job I work on bids for new contracts and customers, designing enterprise scale IT solutions, supported by a team of technical specialists and in competition with other tech companies.
I don’t enjoy this anything like as much as coding and I struggle to focus, but by some miracle I do seem to be quite effective at designing solutions that win contracts.