Published on 12, July, 2020
I had my annual performance review at work this week. I had been concerned that I was under performing. I am in the maximum possible grade in a very complex and ridiculously highly paid job, but I’m only productive for a few hours per week and have felt vulnerable for a while now. But my boss told me that I am “exceptional” and that the executive leadership team have awarded me an exceptional pay rise as a result.
But I feel like I am barely functioning. I have no social network, no family. Today someone at work asked me why I was impersonating a T rex. I realised I was holding my arms and hands in a way I thought I only did when I’m alone.
I’m a complete mess but the people around me seem to think I’m thriving.
Life just seems like one big elaborate game. Nothing is real.
Am I the only person who feels like this?
Amerantin (former member) said:Life just seems like one big elaborate game. Nothing is real.
It depends what you mean by 'Life'
If you're talking about the social constructions of the workplace, then yes, that's absolutely what it is. Success/Failure is largely dependent on being able to 'play' that game; with the proviso that if you have a high enough value to your employer, generally economic, playing the game will matter less.
But from what you say you are successful in the workplace, whether you attach any importance to the 'game' of the workplace or not, so.... does it matter?