Published on 12, July, 2020
I had my annual performance review at work this week. I had been concerned that I was under performing. I am in the maximum possible grade in a very complex and ridiculously highly paid job, but I’m only productive for a few hours per week and have felt vulnerable for a while now. But my boss told me that I am “exceptional” and that the executive leadership team have awarded me an exceptional pay rise as a result.
But I feel like I am barely functioning. I have no social network, no family. Today someone at work asked me why I was impersonating a T rex. I realised I was holding my arms and hands in a way I thought I only did when I’m alone.
I’m a complete mess but the people around me seem to think I’m thriving.
Life just seems like one big elaborate game. Nothing is real.
Am I the only person who feels like this?
Amerantin (former member) said:Life just seems like one big elaborate game. Nothing is real.
Yeah, like one of those elaborate court dances where everyone has a precise set of movements to perform, with the perfect timing. Everybody knows the script, except 'spergs. We can memorize the steps and pretend to know, but for every sane and normal people that's just instinct. They look at us and they think: "Why he is not following the script? Everyone knows the script! Is he r-word? Why he is making fun of us? Maybe he thinks that he's better than us. Let's beat him up so he learns some respect!"
Count your blessings: with a secure, high paying job you are part of the top 0.5% of the 'spergs. It's only a matter of blind luck if we did not end up like Chris-Chan.
I know I’m incredibly lucky in terms of money and my job. Probably close to top 1% of the whole population not just autists.
But socially I am well inside the bottom 0.5% even compared to autists. I’d happily trade some of my career success to have people to share that success with.
Think about this: probably the normie guy with IQ 85 and a minimum wage job has a more fulfilling life than any of us.
Aborting us would have been an act of mercy
Counter intuitively, I think that the lowest functioning people fare better. They are like children, completely engrossed in their special interests and blissfully unaware of everything they are missing. That's the original meaning of the "autistic" word, from "autos" - "self". It literally means "person living in his own world".
Sadly true