Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I recently found out I was autistic after many years of masking throughout school not realising that this was the reason I never felt as though I fit in with my friend group. It was easier for me to mask back then as I was doing it subconsciously but now that I am more aware of my brain it is harder for me to mask in the same way. I know I should stop masking but I just don’t see how I can do it because I’ve never known anything else, it’s like I can’t control it because I think if I start being myself people won’t like me. If anyone has any advice on ways they started unmasking around people and their experience with it then that would be great thanks.
When I started unmasking in my family, I let myself make more random noises, I stopped myself from standing or sitting a specific way or having a specific face expression, I let myself talk in weird sentences. I was too happy and comfortable to care what they think honestly, and they didn't mention anything, but that might be cause they're just not that observant.
While unmasking, other signs showed themselves to me. For example I had many stimming behaviors I had never noticed before, like kicking my legs when sitting or moving my fingers. I also realized why I had struggled with schedules before, probably cause I had autistic inertia and that's why I couldn't do multiple things throughout the day even if each took a very short time.
That’s interesting Ryan, so you kind of pushed yourself into doing things differently to see where that would take you. I didn’t think that stimming was a thing for me and then I realised I’ve been doing it all along. I chew all the skin around my nails, usually when I’m driving and when I’m relaxed. Also I very often put my head in my hands and normally get a reaction like what is wrong with you. I think people think I’m having a bad time when I do it but I just find it comforting.
Yeah, people always misunderstand us lol. I also have had a monotone voice and a sad looking face forever. People always ask me why I am sad when I'm in fact feeling neutral.
True. I get called miserable all the time when in fact I’m feeling okay.